Dem chunes!

Heyo!

Been a long ass time so let's get our jig on!

I really enjoy the Mass Effect 3 soundtrack probably more than I should. So much emotional investment in that game and they upset a lot of people but the music from that game is AMAZING! I can't listen to End Once and For All without bubbling up and urging the imaginary Normandy SR-2 to make it past that shock wave! I personally think it's the Best Music Score for a Game (so far) ever! 

Despite my bias I asked some fellow Gamers what they thought was the Best Musical Score for a Game and they gave me a list:

Quake 2
Streets of Rage 2
Kingdom Hearts
Halo
Quake
All Final Fantasy Final Boss Themes (not really a soundtrack but included all the same)
Megaman X

*So Far Streets of Rage 2 is Winning!*** 

It's got Heart and Soul and some Serious Jams man! 
I'm going to listen to them all and compile a top 5. If you have any suggestions please feel free to comment or send me a message!

Check oot the Faceybook

Stuff I hear when I'm here

Sometimes you don't often hear the words of other people's conversations as you approach them, missing the context completely. I put it down to me being partiality deef.

Here are some of the things I (think I) hear between two cities:

Female on Phone- 'That's all the balls I can handle'

Young girl to mother- 'your fat coz you ate the baby'

Young Male 1- 'I'll just walk back in and they'll never know I was gone'
Young Male 2- 'What about the house alarm?'
YM1 'I'll just say it was a robber n' I scared 'im off when I came in'

Young Female 1- 'I was watching this thing the other day and the girl went in the bath to shave her legs then went to shave her bits and just wiggled it about!'
YF2- 'wiggled what about?!'
YF1- 'her bits'
YF3-' eh? It's not detachable!'

(Group of young people watching a music video in a café)
Male 1- 'Urgh what is that music doing?!'
Female 1- 'using images of old people to show what they are singing about'
Male 1-' no! It's emotional blackmail, I don't want to feel sad today!'

YF1-' well her Dad is a car fanatic, he has 3 of the same car!'
YF2- 'oh cool so could she drive us then?'
YF1- 'What? They're not for driving!'

M1- ' I really hate having a poo in there'
M2- 'oh? Just flush and push, that's what I do'

Older Gentleman- 'Blast this Sunshine! You'll have to operate to get me out of this coat!'

YM 1- 'my house flooded in *----*'
YM 2- 'oh no, what are you going to do?'
YM 1-'Going to live in the other one in *---* it's such an inconvenience!'

'So you'll have to carry all that yourself?'
'Hey that's what boobs are for!'

'The library is not for casual reading'

'I have been pleasantly ventilated'

I'm a silent worker so I find most people don't realise I'm there and have very private conversations. I'm not gonna note them down but it makes me more aware of what information we reveal about ourselves when we think no one is listening.

*N.B this has been compiled over a few months and I have omitted names and places to protect the identities of my fellow human beings in the practice of social interaction. Some as my intro suggests I have completely misheard. Or made up ;) *

Nalabox Loathes?: Haunted Memories

It's a horror game. I have high expectations when it comes to horror movies and games.

I want to be given an experience. A thrilling psychological, rock me to my core, re-evaluate my soul, experience. A little over the top perhaps, but I've watched so many movies long and short that have held no joy in finding that experience. Jump scares are okay but used too much and in obvious places gets a thumbs down from me. It just becomes almost comical. 

I heard about this Slender guy....

I watched vids of people of this now infamous figure blackening our screens and scaring the bejeebus out of them. I even saw those "notes" around my home town on Halloween. I gotta get in on this. 

Years later, Haunted Memories comes out. I get it. I pragmatically decide not to try it on Paranormal mode for my first funthrough. Need to look awesome when I record this/

First impressions: Looks pretty. More annoying than scary.

On account of after the intro played it was obvious I was going to encounter our anti-hero but not soon as I take two steps. My character froze and died. Reload. Managed to get past the gate this time He freaked out at a breeze and "died" from the game spinning him around straight into the slender figure. Hmm.

After a few more tries we progressed in the "story" without major incident. Then it updated.

Couldn't load me previous game. No biggie.

Wouldn't even load up the intro. Audio was there though.

Re-Verify? Nope. Reinstall? Nope.

NEXT!

Post-New Year confessional

I recently posted about New Year trends of people almost forcing themselves to commit to an unacheivable goal. This, I reckon, is due to them not fully comprehending what they are asking themselves to do. Going cold turkey, fad dieting or going into a high intensive training program to lose weight. So far I've seen people starting new "boot camp" style exercise programs and give up after a few weeks or gone into the gym thinking going for an hour a day, straight up hammer everything, is good for their bodies. You need to train your body to an appropriate level in order to survive shit like that. Weight loss. Weight loss. Weight loss. It's bloody everywhere!

Well my friends, I'm about to tell you something that will no doubt upset you. I don't intend to. Some of you will downright disown me. So be it. 

I go to the gym....

(pause for dramatic effect, as those people who know me will no doubt be all like "wtf that skinny bitch going to the gym for?!")

....to GAIN weight. 

Read that again.

GAIN. 

Italics. Bold. Underlined. CAPITALISED.

I have secretly been going to the gym for the past 20 weeks.

Let me explain.

I have several groups of friends who don't really know each other but in each of those groups there has been certain people who have made me feel shitty and ashamed of my body, to the point where I feel sick when looking at myself. In comparison, to them, my body is of slim build, okay very slim. Miniature hourglass shaped I guess. Their image of what the perfect body is. Always making a comment about my figure, even calling me names. Which is funny once or twice but not every single time you see someone. "You've got it easy, skinny bitch".

You're probably thinking: what's the big deal? 

Well I have the body I have due to my disability. It's not a healthy body. I do not want my body to be attainable for ANYONE. When one of those bigger girls said they would kill for a body like mine and I told her: "You have to be in pain 24hrs a day, choose between eating or taking your medication but you'll throw up regardless. You'll have to put up with every bug and virus coz you're immune system is fucked, sleep deprivation etc etc".
 She politely declined all that but would be happy with the end result.  

These people have made me feel so damn self conscious I have been avoiding them or wearing as many clothes as possible to cover myself up just to stop the comments (it didn't work alas). I just couldn't bring myself to tell them I was going to the gym. Gym=Weight loss. I would get soo damn anxious just thinking about how that person would react I couldn't bring myself to talk to them.

I get it that when a big person walks down the street they are constantly reminded by society that they should be a thinner version of themselves. We are all bombarded by those images of the "ideal" body. I am bombarded with those images too you know. When a bigger-than-me woman constantly points out how thin I am, it's a constant reminder to me that I am also not the "ideal" body type. I look at those images and see I fall short of that unobtainable dream body. Some reading this will think "No you're not" Well I've seen me naked and I'm telling you, friend, that I am not something you want for yourself. Trust me on this. 

This is one of those images. This is not healthy.

I know some of you, maybe one bird in particular will be like, "Oh Kee why were you bothering with people like that in the first place?" Well they were all I had CC. Bullied people often become bullies themselves. Those people did not like themselves and I was a reminder of something they couldn't achieve. That made me a target. 

I just want to make you understand that losing a few pounds is fine but please don't think that you need a body like mine to feel good about yourself. This body does NOT make me feel good about myself. Constantly reminding ANYONE of their weight, big or small, is not a nice nor healthy thing to do.

I am also writing this confessional because another one of my friends, who has a different disability and is a big busty girl, started to go to the gym. One of her "friends" said "Oh I'm surprised you know what a gym is for"

I say fuck you buddy!

I don't think you truly understand what a gym is actually for. Nor do many of the people who go there specifically to lose weight.

I have increased my mobility and range of movement. My circulation has improved. Breathing better. Better immune system. Improved posture leading to minor back pain. Most of all gaining a healthy appetite. All these wonderful things and more. Weight loss is a happy side effect of cardio and core strength training. 

I have spoken to many of my fellow gym goers and they are all there for different reasons. And you know what was last on their agenda? That's right: loss. 

They were all there to GAIN 

Italics, Bold, Underlined, CAPITALISED. 

Stamina, Muscle Strength, Mobility, Healthy Hearts, Confidence and one old lady said Vitality.  

And you know what, I have gained a vitality to myself that wasn't there before. I know that I don't need to cater to people who do not understand my body the way I do. I know it's me who needs to accept my body for the way it is not anyone else. I can walk 30 yards and not feel like crumbling up or crying my eyes out. My clothes don't feel like they are 100lbs weights. I don't get bruises on my hips from elastic. I can walk my dog. I have freedom from my body. Do you know how fucking good that feels? 

I'm allowed to take pride in the steps I took and the sacrifices I've had to make in order to achieve this. "My pain is different to yours, but it is still pain".

I can laugh now the anxiety I had about confessing my Gym activities has gone away. I'm still expecting some negative comments though, but I can tell you now, it hurt more because I wanted to be more like them. Y'know big and curvy. I suppose their argument would be the same:

 "don't think you need a body like mine to feel good about yourself". 

I may lose some friends but I have GAINED myself.

It's not even Monday

I hate pre-9am travel. I can't stomach eating breakfast before I head out into the drudgery of other pre-9amers: soulless uncaring community.

There's no joy of life standing waiting for the bus. Not even the birds care to sing for me today, odd how I notice when it never occurred to me before.
No touch, no smile, no talking as I swipe my pass.

I use this time to catch up on the world events, work emails, whatever. The only time I get to read the books I bought fithteen years ago. It's Tales from Earthsea a classic fantasy I must read. I love fantasy. Living an hour twenty three mins each morning in someone else's works is a dream. 

Godssake people are deathly quiet this morning.

Must be the hum of the diesel engine drowning out their voices. I see their mouths moving. Faces deep in screens. I prefer real pages. But silence here nonetheless.

A woman gets on with her baby. She wasn't here yesterday. She''ll lose herself in here. Her baby is crying, a shrill voice louder than this deafening silence. Gods I'm awake now kid!

Felt like I was drowning, all this time, and I've just come up for air. Why isn't anyone else reacting? Why is no-one paying attention? She's been on too long, that mother, her voice has been swallowed and the baby cries. It knows.

Gotta get off this damn bus.

Daily Snippet: Hello Ladies!

I just learned that #tombraidertuesday is totally a thing and I had no idea. So me and a whole bunch of other people on the Interwebbles decided Tuesday must be Tomb Raider day! HUZZAH! 

I know I missed it this week so to make up I'll share this Speed Run of Tomb Raider by Cirno_TV on Twitch

Clicky http://www.twitch.tv/cirno_tv/c/3364860 Clicky

(This vid is 2 hours long, let it load in a bit then you can skip to the parts you want to see/stuck on etc)

Daily Snippet: Fast Expulsions

I was audience to a rather amusing Xmas holiday anecdote:

'I went Dog Sledding during the holidays. It was marvelous fun however they don't tell you how smelly it is. The humans and dogs alike are loaded up and driven up to the trail, then all is unloaded and the dogs are harnessed and you're on the off! As you are in transit the dogs kick up snow and dirt, this somewhat dulls the experience as I had hard sludge hit my face. A little while later we stopped and the guide started laughing. He explained that the dogs are caged during transport and then they are straight on the harness and often relieve themselves while on the move. In hindsight, he should have told me to close my mouth....'

Truth!