As I said in my last post, I need this operation. For over 12 months now I have been suffering from Chronic pain in my left hip, swelling and pain in my lower back. This has affected my ability to walk, support my weight and caused me to fall on occasion. I have seen many doctors and physiotherapists who all thought it was muscular until the pain meds and intense physio just wasn't sorting out the problem. All I did everyday was stretch and exercise but it seemed to make my pains worse and on some days completely immobilise me.
"It'll get worse before it gets better" sick of bloody hearing that phrase. It wasn't getting better. Changed doctors for a fresh perspective. Had phsyio for 7 months before Dr Newguy said if it was my muscles they would have healed by now. So Newguy and Specialist Musculoskeletal, I'm gonna call Mr Pix for my blog, sent me off for a few scans. They found i have actually two problems going on. One was obviously my hip and the other was my lower spine. The phsyio for my back was putting pressure on my hip and not helping and reflections for my hip were killing my back. No wonder i had made no progress for nearly 9 months by the time they sent me for the scans.
Femoroacetabular Impingement.
Or FAI you can read about here : http://www.hipfai.com/
Basically I have a "bump" or Cam on my hip joint that was locking and preventing normal movement and function of my hip joint. I couldn't cross my legs or sit properly and every now and then completely randomly it would lock up completely and my legs would give way. TIMBBEEERR! I don't have a slipped disc but I have 2 discs which are kind squished out of place and have been worn down these past 12 months due to me moving around and all the exercising etc. So these two squished discs are out of order and the discs around them are doing twice as much than they're supposed to causing me great pain. On top of that the cam has been rubbing and wearing down my cartilage on the other side causing osteoarthritis in my hip too. I could feel that happening every time i took a step. Slow grind and pop, slow grind and pop. When it completely locks up it feels like it's poking out of the joint and dislocated. You can only imagine the pain that causes. I had been prescribed strong anti-inflammatory drugs and pain medication, which included Oramorph, which is morphine. And that did foook aal. Well it dulled the pain from my back but the pain from the grinding sensation was still there when I moved around. Bones, not muscular.
Some days I'm okay and other days I feel like shite.
"You look fine today"
"How come you went to that gig last week and you can't go shopping today?"
"More exercise will do you some good"
"You're not fun any more"
"How bored must you be?"
"There's nothing wrong with you"
"You don't know what pain is"
"She's faking it, there's nothing wrong with her"
"You're not very reliable any more"
"I don't want to deal with this"
These are just a few things that family, close friends and friends who don't see me all the time have said to me. Some are understandable, since they don't live with me. Some are very hurtful. Some are heartbreaking.
I have often found it very difficult to explain to people the nature of my condition. I have listed the mechanics of what is physically wrong with me and the knock on affect that has on me on a daily basis. I can't work, I can't look after myself sometimes, i can't sit for long periods of time and i can't stand for long periods of time, I can't lift any heavy objects, or push or pull. No swimming, no riding my bike, which I love to do. Cant walk my mother's dog. Can't pick up my God-daughter, can't help my disabled friend who has Hypermobility syndrome, to look after my God-daughter. Can't travel long distances to visit my family or friends. I could go on, which is depressing. oh and lonely, painful, emotionally. Some friends I don't see any more because they don't want to be around "this" like it's contagious and happening directly to them.
One of my friends, who also has Hypermobility Syndrome, started up a blog and introduced me to the spoons theory as a way of explaining to healthy people what its like living with an invisible illness. A lady by the name of Christine Miserandino who has Lupus wrote an article on Butyoudontlooksick.com and came up with this theory, while trying to illustrate to her healthy friend what it's like living with Lupus.
I like to think of my spoons as Lives. I have only about 10 Lives or less a day and sometimes no matter how hard I try i can't collect enough XP to get another one to make sure I have enough for the next day.
That's enough reading for you guys today. I'll get on telling you about my op. Which I've had two days ago and I'm busy re-cooperating. Gathering my thoughts.
Savour Your Spoons!
http://savouryourspoons.blogspot.co.uk
No comments:
Post a Comment