Gaming Lots

I guess this is just a check in. I know I said I would be blogging lots but it takes a lot of motivation to keep this thing going especially when there's new games in the house! I've recently started playing Skyrim, Dragon Age 2 and a co-op playthrough of Borderlands 2 with Ingo. So busy busy busy.

I've also been looking through Superfly, my old rescued laptop drive  for articles to share with you and boy did I save a lot of crap. Why we keep things from years after university I have no idea. Did I think I needed them for some reason? I guess if I transfer them to here they would be useful but severely outdated. I have found one presentation from a games company conducting research about how girls game and it looks like it was written by someone who didn't even go out and do the work themselves and didn't really like the figures so just made it up. If I can find a way to put it on here I will do. It's laughable. I got a lot of stuff that may be of interest to anyone searching keywords for essays and such like. Maybe. 

Nalabox Loves: Fallout 3

“The Lone Wanderer”

This game was my first venture into the action-role play genre of an optional liner storyline and free roaming environment. I hadn't played the previous instalments of Fallout for the PC so the introduction of the karma system was totally new to me. Making good or bad choices having an effect on how you play the game and whether or not you got to do optional quests because of being too good or too evil was fantastic. There has been so many times I've played games a bit on the renegade side and never got penalised for it, yeah it makes the game super easy but where's the enjoyment in that? As well as the karma system the character development is a lot more detailed than what I've been used to. There are skill points I can assign to my S.P.E.C.I.A.L (Strength. Perception. Endurance. Charisma. Intelligence. Agility and Luck ) traits and practical skills such as weapon proficiencies, science, repair and speech etc which are all dependent on how many points are in allocated in S.P.E.C.I.A.L. The more you have in Charisma the better your Barter and Speech skills. The Fallout series have all had Perks which can be obtained when the player levels up which can determine extra attributes to your skills. For example I had no idea in my second playthrough that I could just completely skip doing the Wasteland Survival Guide side quests by persuading Moira Brown that it was a daft idea, hence getting the Dream Crusher perk, this means that enemies are now afraid of me and their critical hit chance is reduced by half. Ha!

Fallout 3 is based in post-apocalyptic America after a 200 year nuclear fallout caused by a war between China and the USA in 2077. You are one of the many survivors in an underground vault called vault 101. You were born there and you will die there. No one enters and no one leaves.

your Tomb/Home :)

Until your Dad does. Leaving the underground community in disarray and letting the gribblies in killing the unarmed residents which pisses off the Overseer, the boss man, who seems to think you, a nineteen year old kid had something to do with it. You are thrust into the Wasteland with nothing but a security truncheon and a Tunnel Snakes Gang leather jacket to face all manners of thugs, thieves, raiders, mental robots, giant radioactive beasties, feral ghouls, super mutants, Mr Burke and much more. You suffer all this just to find your Dad and demand to know what the hell is going on!

As the story progresses you learn that your father, voiced by Liam Neeson, was a scientist trying to bring back the waters of life and start re-building humanity and that task now falls to you.

You have your typical tutorial style quests to get you used to the game during the “childhood” years of living in the vault, I guess it is a nursery for the game. Then as the story progresses and you get launched into the wider world you have the option to follow the main storyline and complete optional side-quests and any Downloadable Content you may have with the game. You can choose whatever gaming style you like to complete the quests. For example; you can go in to Tenpenny Towers with diplomacy and tact, while pickpocketing keys to just let the ghouls in or you know, guns blazing and let the ghouls take over or even take the ghouls out yourself. It's entirely up to you. There has been times when I tried a little of both to complete a quest depending on whether I want Good or Bad Karma resulting from it. What I love most about this game is the exploring and thus far it is the only game, that I have played, that actually rewards curiosity. You can be in the arse end of nowhere and still find food, gadgets and ammo. Especially if you try to be a real smartie pants and walk to Rivet City without using the underground metro tunnels. Plus it all looks and sounds amazing. True survival.

There are a few special items tucked away here and there to help improve your chances of survival and some items increase your stats permanently: Vault Tec Bobbleheads. They're everywhere and some are very hard to find and send you MILES out of your way to get. Some, if your not careful can only be found before certain main storyline events have occurred. Keep an eye out chaps.

Yes, I play with Dolls!

The combat system for a newbie like me was easy to grasp especially the VATS- VaultTec Assisted Targeting System. Everyone is a crack shot with the Gauss Rifle using that. It did take the difficulty of moving targets away for me and being completely new to a FPS. I panicked a lot in my first playthrough. Some people said VATS detracted from being “in the game”, essentially pausing the game to line up your shots. I'm sorry but walking into Old Olney on your tod with nothing but grenades you kinda need that brief pause to. Breathe. Lob your last grenade. And leg it. You also don't want a game to detract from the fact it is a game afterall, not a simulation of surviving in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Why the hell would I be in America anyway? I'd want to see how well I do in my home country: make a game about that!

I honestly don't know what it is specifically that I love about this game I just do. I have played it through 3 times now, once on the ps3 and twice on the xbox 360 and I've never been bored with it. Even though I've been through all the quests as Good, Neutral and Evil. I've explored every nook and cranny, played the DLC over and over. It is such a good game.

Fallout New Vegas, however, is a different story.

I tried to leave off playing it for about a year but I still feel like it was just another DLC. They didn't change much of the game to make it stand alone from Fallout 3. It was too short for one and I don't know whether it was the choices I made or whatever but I found the ending a bit disappointing. I thought they were going to implement some sort of war tactics style gameplay at the end but they didn't and the ending is not what I would have chosen for myself. I might pick it back up and play it again to finish the side quests which seems a lot more fun and engaging than the main storyline I have to say. Might leave it completely and play something else.  

'A Wild Girl Appears'

It was his first shift back at GAME from a two week holiday he booked especially off for the release of Skyrim. Greg liked to dedicate his time off to doing absolutely sweet F.A and some hardcore “me” time because at 27, you can do that kind of shit. He had pre-ordered the PC game before any of his housemates and had the only copy in the house, which boosted his gloating rights. Naturally. Greg was the loner gamer type of guy and didn't really want Jim and Michael back-seat gaming because hey, who needs that? So time off while they were at work was much needed.

It was kind of weird being back at work after being submerged for almost sixteen hours a day in the beautiful world of Skyrim; buying houses, fighting dragons and learning an ancient yet colourful language. The only colourful language Greg would hear today would be from potentially abusive customers or the shop manager Steve. Steve is always bearing down on the rest of the guys to try pull sales in from soft toy merchandise and meeting the points card subscription targets. Boring stuff that customers aren't interested in. Most people who come into the shop know exactly what they're after or have specific instructions from their kids. When Greg first got the job the joke was that he would be in the prime location to get all the best games before they were released at a considerable discount, test the pre-owned consoles and hey maybe even find a girlfriend! The latter made him cringe, this place a babe magnet? Seriously? The girls that came into the shop were lured in by their boyfriends on the promise if they buy this one game they will go into any shop she wanted for as long as she wanted! Or the girls who came in looking for cutesy games like Tamagotchi Cornershop and any of those Sing-star games really.

Then there was Becky. The problem with dating another member of staff is exactly that, you have to work with them. Now there wasn't anything wrong with Becky, she worked in the same shop so that meant she liked games right? That's a start. She was fairly pretty, she got bonus points for that, Almost too good to be true, except she's only 18 and of course, has a boyfriend.

Greg knew that the girl he was looking for didn't really exist. Heck he knew every other guy out there was looking for the same thing. An attractive woman who enjoyed games, comics and geekdom just as much as he did. Sure he'd heard of some girls on the internet who like to pose in costumes of his favourite characters, but did they actually have a clue who they were dressed up as? He didn't join the online groups knowing full well those other guys looking for this imaginary woman would pose as “her” to troll other guys. They're dicks like that.
“Excuse me?” Maybe he should stop fooling himself


“Excuse me? Sir do you work here?” even if a woman ever did want to talk to him “I'm looking for Skyrim?” what would he talk about? Skyrim? “huh?” mumbled Greg. “Hi, I'm looking for Skyrim, hopefully for the 360?” said the girl.

“Oh, I have that game, your boyfriend will really enjoy it” Sales Greg said.

“I don't have a boyfriend. I want it for me” said the newly single girl.

Treading carefully, Greg wanted to find out more about this mysterious creature.

“Have you played role-play games like this before? It might not be what your used to?”

“Well, I've tried playing the role play shooting games but they're not really my thing, but Borderlands! Oh Wow I love that game and Fallout 3. I'm more into those types of games.”

Someone must have put her up to this.

“I've played things like Suikoden, Pesmerga and Stallion are my favorite characters, and Tales of Eternia and attempted Final Fantasy, they were fun.” Greg straightened up and looked out of the shop over her shoulder expecting to see Jim or Michael.

She continues “I've also played point and click role-play games like Myst and Monkey Island, Discworld, Sam and Max. That type of stuff.” But nope, no sign of them. “I recently finished New Vegas and I'm currently playing Oblivion for the second time, so I figured Skyrim can't be that much different since it's the next game in the series” said the attractive woman. A quick glance to see the smirk on Steve's face. He's a dick like that too. But no smirk, he was busy with another customer. Greg paused, ticking off a mental list as his future wife continued. “My friend Danielle said she really enjoyed it and reminded her of Warcraft” So there's more than one of these outstanding creatures out there? He thought.

“....But better, it hasn't got the pvp arseholes who gank you all the time and spoil it for everyone. Me? I haven't played WoW in years, not since my dissertation” Greg looked bemused. “Oh yeah,” she continued, “I based my dissertation on Warcrack , couldn't think of anything to write about at the time and I was heavily in to the game so why not eh?”

Hardly believing his senses: a remarkable young woman who was in here looking for a game for herself, dedicated her time and life to games and was talking to him. Greg. They laughed at him with this dream of one day meeting that perfect woman they all talk about on the internet, and here she was standing right in front of him, an angel. No longer a dream, but here right in front of him. And oh god why can't he just talk to her, she's walking away!

“Well I can see you don't have the Xbox version in at the moment” Oh damn she's leaving quick tell her she can have the PC version. “..and I don't have a working PC at the moment” Dammit! “So I guess I'll keep looking around” Say something! Dude “Thanks a lot, bye!” She's gone. You're such an idiot.

“Hey, Steve did you hear that lass I was talking to?” said Greg, completely in awe.

“What lass? You been day dreaming again mate?” laughed Steve, in the get your arse back to work kind of laugh.

They're never going to believe me.

The End.
I slightly exaggerated the story but that's really what I blabbered on to him about and that's really how he behaved around me. In all honesty I did hear him say “but your a girl” under his breath when I mentioned Warcraft. The sad thing is I went back about 4 weeks later to see if they had Skyrim in but they had closed down so I will never know what happened to Greg. Sad face. This isn't the only encounter I've had with the gamer/geeky guys trying to talk to me. One guy even cut himself off mid sentence and said there wasn't any chance of a girl like me going out with a guy like him and walked away. I was willing to give him a chance but if you go into something with a defeatist attitude the only person getting in the way of you is you.

Adhesive Plaster 1- 0 Thigh Hair

Day One:

I had everything packed but I was stalling for time the morning of the surgery. My mum and brother had arrived to help me with my things but I said I hadn't finished packing. Must remember teabags. Must do the washing up. Must remember to hang the laundry. Stall for time. My partner couldn't leave work early to come see me before I left. He did try. Had to wait for email confirmation before he could leave the office. Before lunchtime, no chance, everyone else on the other end washing their noses in salad boxes. He was stuck waiting. I was stalling. It'll be okay. I am coming back in a few days. Right?

There is always a feeling of uncertainty when you go for an operation. But I wasn't worried about the risk of not being here anymore, I was more concerned about trying to console everyone else. Anyway, if something did happen they all knew Dr Ignorance's number and a horde would descend upon him if he fucked up.

I was late getting to the hospital for my 12:30 check in. But I wasn't bothered because theatre didn't start until 2pm and I had been told the week before a lady was due in before me, as her surgery would take less time and I was a special case. When I arrived, I was called in first to take my details. My mother wasn't allowed to come with me or wait in the reception area. I thought this was very strange. The nurse there informed me I was due in surgery first today and since I was late everything had to be hurried along. So I said my goodbyes to my mum and rang my Partner to tell him what was going on. So hurried and it felt wrong being rushed like that.

I was taken to a 'pod' which was basically a cubicle with a chair, a set of draws and a table in it. I was asked to disrobe and put a gown on. Seemed odd again. Told her my info and asked if I would be having a consultation and to sign a consent form. She was quite rude and said all that will be done after I got dressed. Seems a bit backward if you ask me. What if I changed my mind or something came up in my medical history that meant it wasn't possible to operate on me at the time? She left me to it. Didn't answer any of my questions. Talk about making you feel sure and confident.

A different health care assistant came in called Lisa. She was lovely and did answer all my questions and made me feel at ease. She went through all my file with me, typical hospital bureaucracy. It came to my allergies. No latex for me thanks. Oh this may cause a problem since the theatre is already prepared. I glance down and on the front of my file is a post-it note from the pre-assessment nurse last week saying I have a latex allergy and can the theatre be prepared accordingly. Hmm someone missed that bright pink note on the front of my file then? Lisa went away to inform someone. Came back 10 mins later.

"They're going to send the other lady in first since they need to change the room for you"

"Well yeah, I was already told I would be second in line today at my pre-op, for that very reason"

They had me waiting for about 2 hours. Urgh that bloody dragged. I could have been out in the waiting area with my mum and partner, who had finished work by then. So I called him instead. Had the olde 'typical NHS' banter conversation. They even left my file on the table. So I had a neb.

They had my old GP information from 7 years ago as the current one. Yet, had been sending results and reports to my new GP practice. No wonder stuff gets lost. They did have, however, a note from the last time I was in hospital, my allergic reaction to latex. Le sigh. What's the point of inundating medical professionals with record keeping if they can't be arsed to read them when it matters? Howweh man.

Next I met the anaesthetist. A small Indian gentleman, very pleasant. Had a bit of a heavy accent, but that wasn't the problem. He talked waaaay too fast. I only caught a few words. Started to get nervous again when he said the anaesthetic would only last as long as the surgery, about half an hour. Erm? What? Hip Arthroscopy takes about 2 hours plus they have to repair a possible labral tear. Have they got me confused with the first patient again? Ffs.

Then, in comes my favourite person, Dr Ignorance, who is sometimes Dr Complacent. But NOT TODAY! Dr Gameface, went over the consent form I couldn't help but mention making sure its all filled out properly. I still blame him for the MRI arthrogram incident. He didn't fill the form out properly so I never got the anaesthetic I was promised. Thus felt the needle being jabbed into my hip joint. Not. A. Happy. Bunny. He still hasn't said sorry nor thinks it was his fault. So this was my chance to let him know, I still blame him. I'm confident the form is in order and he leaves.

Lisa comes back in to keep me company. Presents me with a rather glamorous stocking. I tell her I'm not a fan of Dr Gameface. She laughs and asks me why I'm going through with this with him?

" I don't have to like him, as long as he does his job properly, I don't have to like him at all. If he fucks up a second time, they'll be hell to pay. " From her reaction he was probably still just in ear shot. I don't care. He clearly doesn't care about me as a person, I'm just another number. Hopefully a number in the 'success' column nonetheless.

My memory is a bit shoddy when they take me into the anaesthetic room. I do recall being very agitated at the anaesthesia nurse guy sticking things on me and talking while Chatty Anaesthetist is trying to ask me questions, and I can't understand a word he's saying. He jabs me with a large needle. That's the line in. Then injects me with, I'm assuming the sleeping drugs. They never tell you what they're injecting you with.

Useless buggers.

"Here we go" Zzzz

.

.

.

Laughing. Why is everyone laughing? There's some banter going on in the Recovery Room. There's a lady beside me, letting me know where I am. That it's all over.

Must have passed out. When did my Dad get here? I'm in a different room. My Beardy Warrior (my partner lol) is here too! It's so good to see them. Lots of words were passed over my head, about me but not to me. I was sooo damn tired. And thirsty. What the hell have they done to my throat? See you tomorrows and kisses. I would cry if I physically could. Keep pumping in fluids but no luck. Need sleeeep.

That's how broken up my experience of afterwards was. Couldn't tell you want the recovery banter was, but I was laughing too. The nurses kept coming to check my blood pressure and then told me to rest. Totally couldn't. They gave me Tramadol, which keeps me awake. Told them this too but they wouldn't take my word for it. Had to take it.

I was expecting to be in much more pain than I was. During surgery apparently they gave me seven shots of morphine. Nee wonder I was feeling sick. I react badly to that too. Couldn't keep water down, but couldn't produce saliva to eat or be sick properly. Needle in my hand killed. They had me in my own room but they didn't close the door, so I heard everything. I was the youngest person on the ward amongst the golden oldies getting their hip replacements, knee surgeries etc. TV's were loud, some poor lady was being sick all the time, and the woman opposite me, was hallucinating. Singing in her sleep. The acoustics of the hall and our open doors meant when she started snoring: it was like she was in the bed next to me :'(.

No Sleep. Make Kee a dull girl.

Well an extremely tired girl. Not having any sleep seems to amplify your pains. Urgh. Every time I felt those zzzz catching up a buzzer would go off or I would need to pee. All those fluids from earlier had to come out sometime :( kept asking for my dressing to be changed too but apparently it was fine...

Cheeky

One good thing about the silence and nurses assuming that I was asleep or assuming I knew more than I did. I found out I was due to be discharged the next day once the doctor and physio had been round to see me. I knew I had to get my muscles moving if they expect me to support myself. I had already researched what physio I would get after surgery. So I wriggled, arched and flexed just to loosen up and start the process.

It was about 4am when I gave up fighting the tramadol and just read a book my friend gave me. 'My sisters' keeper' not sure if it was the best thing to take into hospital with me but it was a pleasant distraction.

Day Two:

7:20am. Morning wake up call. Whole place stirs, night shift handover to morning shift. More blood pressure taken. My dressings finally changed.

Then about 9:30...

" Good morning, can you tell me your name and date of birth please?"

"Hello, who are you?"

This guy looks at me like how dare I have the audacity to ask him, his name! Of course it's the doctor but it's not Dr Ignorance or Gameface. This guy is Dr Incredulous. Informs me about the surgery I was in for, this I obviously know, why else would I have agreed to it? He doesn't really tell me what they found or if they repaired anything. Just that they removed the bump. I'm to be assessed by the physio and sent home once they are satisfied. Excellent.

It wasn't long after that I was given a nice pair of crutches to become my extra limbs for a good few weeks.

I have to say being back home is a godsend. I missed my sprung memory foam mattress. And Sleep. Couldn't sleep straight away though. I had both sets of parents arriving at different times to see me. Ingo (my partner) has been wonderful since I got home. Taking very good care of me. He even brought the bed downstairs, a necessary luxury for recuperation don't you think? Our house bunny seemed to think so...

Captain Kismet

I'm on to day 7 now and I haven't been in any pain apart from a slight strain in my lower back, but we all knew that wouldn't magically go away. Only time will tell if this has been a success. I haven't received an appointment for this intensive physio I was supposed to have nor any kind of check up since I was discharged from hospital. Cut and shut jobby?

Now this is all done with I can concentrate on my articles, stories and reviews I wish to share with you.

Take care.

"Use Health Potion?"

If only real life was that easy. Drink a red health potion to restore all your HP or simply sleep in a bed or a magical fountain to save your game. No such luck for me. Buggerpoo.

As I said in my last post, I need this operation. For over 12 months now I have been suffering from Chronic pain in my left hip, swelling and pain in my lower back. This has affected my ability to walk, support my weight and caused me to fall on occasion. I have seen many doctors and physiotherapists who all thought it was muscular until the pain meds and intense physio just wasn't sorting out the problem. All I did everyday was stretch and exercise but it seemed to make my pains worse and on some days completely immobilise me.

"It'll get worse before it gets better" sick of bloody hearing that phrase. It wasn't getting better. Changed doctors for a fresh perspective. Had phsyio for 7 months before Dr Newguy said if it was my muscles they would have healed by now. So Newguy and Specialist Musculoskeletal, I'm gonna call Mr Pix for my blog, sent me off for a few scans. They found i have actually two problems going on. One was obviously my hip and the other was my lower spine. The phsyio for my back was putting pressure on my hip and not helping and reflections for my hip were killing my back. No wonder i had made no progress for nearly 9 months by the time they sent me for the scans.

Femoroacetabular Impingement.

Or FAI you can read about here : http://www.hipfai.com/

Basically I have a "bump" or Cam on my hip joint that was locking and preventing normal movement and function of my hip joint. I couldn't cross my legs or sit properly and every now and then completely randomly it would lock up completely and my legs would give way. TIMBBEEERR! I don't have a slipped disc but I have 2 discs which are kind squished out of place and have been worn down these past 12 months due to me moving around and all the exercising etc. So these two squished discs are out of order and the discs around them are doing twice as much than they're supposed to causing me great pain. On top of that the cam has been rubbing and wearing down my cartilage on the other side causing osteoarthritis in my hip too. I could feel that happening every time i took a step. Slow grind and pop, slow grind and pop. When it completely locks up it feels like it's poking out of the joint and dislocated. You can only imagine the pain that causes. I had been prescribed strong anti-inflammatory drugs and pain medication, which included Oramorph, which is morphine. And that did foook aal. Well it dulled the pain from my back but the pain from the grinding sensation was still there when I moved around. Bones, not muscular.

Some days I'm okay and other days I feel like shite. 

"You look fine today"
"How come you went to that gig last week and you can't go shopping today?" 
"More exercise will do you some good"
"You're not fun any more"
"How bored must you be?"
"There's nothing wrong with you"
"You don't know what pain is"
"She's faking it, there's nothing wrong with her"
"You're not very reliable any more"
"I don't want to deal with this"

These are just a few things that family, close friends and friends who don't see me all the time have said to me. Some are understandable, since they don't live with me. Some are very hurtful. Some are heartbreaking. 

I have often found it very difficult to explain to people the nature of my condition. I have listed the mechanics of what is physically wrong with me and the knock on affect that has on me on a daily basis. I can't work, I can't look after myself sometimes, i can't sit for long periods of time and i can't stand for long periods of time, I can't lift any heavy objects, or push or pull. No swimming, no riding my bike, which I love to do. Cant walk my mother's dog. Can't pick up my God-daughter, can't help my disabled friend who has Hypermobility syndrome, to look after my God-daughter. Can't travel long distances to visit my family or friends. I could go on, which is depressing. oh and lonely, painful, emotionally. Some friends I don't see any more because they don't want to be around "this" like it's contagious and happening directly to them. 

One of my friends, who also has Hypermobility Syndrome, started up a blog and introduced me to the spoons theory as a way of explaining to healthy people what its like living with an invisible illness. A lady by the name of Christine Miserandino who has Lupus wrote an article on Butyoudontlooksick.com and came up with this theory, while trying to illustrate to her healthy friend what it's like living with Lupus.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/ 

We all have spoons we use up every day in every thing that we do. Most of you have unlimited spoons. But for people with disabilities we have a limited amount and we don't have a choice of how many we start off with each day and how many we might not have tomorrow because we chose to go out to that gig the night before or stood for 2 hours to make a romantic meal instead of ordering take away.

I like to think of my spoons as Lives. I have only about 10 Lives or less a day and sometimes no matter how hard I try i can't collect enough XP to get another one to make sure I have enough for the next day.

That's enough reading for you guys today. I'll get on telling you about my op. Which I've had two days ago and I'm busy re-cooperating. Gathering my thoughts.

Savour Your Spoons!
http://savouryourspoons.blogspot.co.uk

Day Zero

"Preparation"

There's nothing like being prepared for anything. Sometimes you pack things you might not need or think not to bother because what ridiculous scenario will come up where i will need a pair of wire cutters, duct tape and a small can of WD40 when I'm going into hospital? I have learned, from my wonderful partner, that those ridiculous situations always crop up when you forget to pack those very essential items. And no, I haven't packed those things because I know He will have them on him anyway.

So for about 5 days prior to my surgery I've had to bathe in an anti-microbial wash provided by the Nurse to prevent the spread of MRSA. I even got a nify diagram to show my how to use it and wash myself with it. Smarts. It doesn't smell of anything and it's great from cleansing all those blackheads and oily skin. Might keep some saved for those damn stress spots I'm prone to when Insomnia kicks in after taking Tramadol all day. 

As well as packing some essentials for an overnight stay and maybe the weekend, part of my preparation has been, well, consoling my friends. I really appreciate them worrying about me it's nice to know that people care about me. But, shouldn't they be consoling me? I'm actually really okay about getting the surgery. It's been on the cards for about 7 months now, I've had time to come to terms with it, since it's happening to ME. But for some people, I love and care about deeply, it has had a funny affect on them. I don't feel the need to react in such a way to worry myself or cry myself to sleep.

I didn't choose for this to happen to me.

If I don't do this my condition will get worse and I will end up with the hips of a 70 year old woman before I'm 30. What am I waiting for exactly if I post-pone this? My life can't pick itself back up again until this is done. At the moment my recovery is in limbo, except it won't get any better without this surgery and yes there is a small chance it won't do anything at all. I am willing to take that chance and kick it in the balls. I want my life back. And if this is the only way to do it then fine, lets do it!

Still busy packing at the moment. I'm taking my own teabags dammit!

I have to leave a parting note to say Thank You to all my friends who have sent lovely messages to me over this past week and honestly, I am truly grateful. Love you guys. 

See you later, Keep Smiling.

"Our Adventure Begins"

No not in the way that you think.

I've always tried being a girly girl since I was a kid joining in the various activities of singing, dancing, school yard games etc although not so much dress up with dolls, they freaked me out too much. But mummy had this cool box that you could plug into the TV and play games on a little cassette tape thing. Ah the Amstrad ZX Spectrum.

Recently celebrated it's 30^th Anniversary on St Georges Day

Image by Google

Best game was Treasure Island Dizzy. I'm sure we had a space invaders style game and Tetris but my mother and I are in a debate about this (as I'm writing in fact). As I got older, Birthday and Christmas gifts expanded to make up, hair accessories, anything with pink on it, my keyboard and the SEGA Mega Drive. Not just for me mind. I realise only now that my parents did make our console gaming a family affair. Me and my younger brother bonded over the classics Sonic, Streets of Rage, Dizzy (again!) and Bubsy the Bobcat. Let's pause while you reminisce.

Me at Christmas circa  late1990's?

Then you got older and school did that girls only P.E sessions where they made you do gymnastics or netball. But what you really wanted to do was go beat the lads at hockey or football. So you ask to go do that and you nearly, “nearly” break someone's collar bone so they ask you to no longer participate in P.E. Benched. Me? But I'm so sweet (awesome) and lovely (badass).

Again, Birthday rolls over and you get a Sony Playstation! Full with games and a cheat cartridge! Wow. My little brother was so jealous he got one for his birthday 6 months later. We collected the Playstation Magazine with the demo discs every month! Ah man my parents are so good to us. I have to say again it was a very family orientated activity we would rearrange the furniture in the living room and play a tennis game or virtual pool. I really enjoyed: Hogs of War, Alien Trilogy, Discworld Noir, Driver, Silent Hill, most driving games, Bubsy 3D (of course), Broken Sword, and not ashamedly Digimon. Throw in a few PC games in there too like the rest of the Discworld series, Myst, and yeah some Hentai dating sims which opened the world of consequential dialogue options for a new style of RPG, if you will. Ahem.

X-Change 2: A guy gets turned into a girl due to a crazy science experiment and is finds himself in embarrassing situations. Pic from MobyGames.com

That was a boyfriend who suggested I play those types of games, for his own amusement? Probably.. In my teens I guess I played games to appease my male friends, since being a girl sometimes you got left out sitting reading comics in the corner. This was a time where boys started to integrate with our group and had an influence on what we would do. So one day I thought fuck it and picked up the controller and never looked back.

In my early twenties I met a guy who was heavily into a little known game called World of Warcraft. In all honesty he was into ALOT of games, obsessed with getting 120% trophies on the ps3 etc. I sat by his side for many a year watching him play a variety of PC and console games. Some of which I thoroughly enjoyed. It wasn't until after 2 years he actually let me play WoW.. I wasn't all that bothered about it at first since we shared his PC so I was never on it for more than an hour at a time, he got tired of watching me play so would take over. Until I got my own laptop and my very own copy of the game.

Oh holy hell I was hooked.

I was so engrossed in the whole concept of this fantasical world. I based my final year dissertation on it. Yes. That's right kids. Social Identity and Online Gaming was what I based a year and a half's work on AND I got to play a game for social science! Cybersociology became my passion especially anything related to the medium of computer gaming and the notion of gender-swapping, mechanics of AI emotions, game addiction, online communities and gaming being a social group activity. I have been reading and collecting articles on each of these subjects that I will share with you in future.

This stems from when I lived with Trophy boy there was up to 5 different people living together in student accommodation and at some point two consoles or a pc combo would be hooked up to multiple TV's and monitors and someone would be playing a game: the whole house would join in. Trophy boy did open my eyes to a new world of gaming and the negative side too. The obsession. How there is a fine line between hardcore and health risk. Sadly we were not meant to be but if he ever reads this he would be pleased to know he has ruined me for any other man after him. And my prospective dating conversations.

Pic unrelated. Or is it? 

I had no idea you could get this perk. Sorry Moira.

Chances are, now, I have played or seen played every game released the past 5 years, know how to get all the trophies/achievements and can probably play the game better than you thanks to his training. Good times. Thanks man. 

I recently came across something about why girls feel the need to announce to the world that they are geeks, gamers, nerds etc. It's true we shouldn't feel the need to scream to the universe about the lives we lead, but we all have a voice and EVERYONE feels the need to express it. Isn't that all this is? Just to add another label to ourselves that isn't just “woman”. Some deeper socio-psychology going on there me thinks.

I quite possibly have been influenced more by the boys in my life than the women, when it comes to finding my likes and dislike in games, sci-fi, music etc. Some may say that leads to my lack of femininity or sensitivity to certain things, the tomboy from my teens showing through? Maybe. But the women of my life have influenced me in different ways. My mother was the one with the Spectrum remember? I will talk about some of these women in later articles.

Now I'm 24 I have the best of both worlds. I can quite happily sit with my male friend leading him through Resident Evil 5 one day and enjoying planning my cousin's Disney Princess wedding the next.

Don't get me wrong I still know all the words to Dirty Dancing, most of the choreography to the Spice Girls videos from the 90's and I like watching tat films for shits and giggles. Yeah so I didn't get a Gameboy and I didn't play Mario. So I've never completed a Final Fantasy game (there's a story behind that). Tough shite. I enjoyed the games I played, with my family, and yeah they weren't “hardcore” that doesn't mean I'm completely devoid of the gaming culture. Everyone starts off differently but they all end up playing Warcrack anyway.

Which brings me to next time...

A true life encounter

p.s i have no idea what is going on with the formatting :(

Prologue of Whimsy

So I wanted to have a crack at writing a blog. But what the hell do I write about? Has someone else already done it? Would I truly be contributing to the online community with valuable unheard of information? Of course not, don't be daft.

Then I was shown a picture from memebase of this mock letter written to the Internet at large, describing a fairly attractive young woman who enjoys nothing better than playing games, reading comics and watching anime. She enjoys the company of geeky boys and will happily sit by them offering sexual favours so their hands are free while they play their favourite games. The letters ends yours sincerely and a small trollface appearing. At first the letter seems really sincere then it does come across a little far fetched. The joke being of course that this girl does not exist.

But she does exist.

I am a Girl that likes to play games, watch anime, read comics, loves Picard and Kirk equally, Japanese horror films and many more wonderful geeky things.

So where did this mock letter come from? Yeah I know it's intended as a joke but there are thousands of girl gamers out there. But I'm a rarity don'tcha know? Hey, I know the types your thinking of and as these guys put it http://www.gamesradar.com/the-top-7-girl-gamer-stereotypes/ I've gone through this list and I'm not in any of these categories. I guess the ones like me don't want to be found or have unfortunately been drowned out.

I'm very much interested in research into this kind of topic which spurred me to pick up this blogging malarkey. So here we are. To answer those questions: I shall write about myself as is the trend for all bloggers these days; I don't recall anyone writing about me in their blog and again, don't be daft.

All I'm offering is a different perspective of the gaming world from my eyes and a continuation of the work I was interested in when I did my degree focusing on Cybersociology. Which includes this whole business about gender-swapping in games, particularly MMO's, Game Addiction, and forget about this Boys V Girls crap. We all know there are some girls out there better at C.o.D than the boys, turns out we're much more competitive, we got more to prove. So why not, lets explore this avenue. I've got plenty of time on my hands to do so.

That's all rather academic so I will also fill in these spaces with my own reviews on games I've played or currently playing. “how do you have time to do all this?” I hear you say. Well, I've been suffering from a Chronic Pain disability for the past 12 months due to an injury. I am on the road to recovery but this may take over a year or I may never fully recover at all. Life.

Additional note: I have recently opted to have surgery in the hopes that it will aid in my recovery. Most of my blog entries were written months ago when I was flirting with the idea of starting a blog in case I wasn't able to post regularly due to being in hospital etc. And I have decided to document my time in hospital if any of you are so inclined to read about that too.

So all I have is time baby and I'm filling that time with playing games!

p.s The banner isn't finished and I am open to suggestions of any loveable characters you want me to make a likeness of to fill in the space :)