Nalabox Loves: The Cat Lady

Some may note a while back I was seeking a horror 'experience' whether that is a movie or game. Horror as a form of entertainment that makes a lasting impression. Something that makes you forget that you are playing a game. Something that you realise truly disturbed you months after playing it when trying to convince a friend to play it. It wasn't until that time I fully appreciated everything about the story of Susan Ashworth.

*CAUTION* Contains spoilers and topics that some may find uncomfortable

We meet Susan at a dark point of her life. We are carried along the turbulent ocean of emotions that a single human being faces when seeking their own oblivion. We accompany Susan through each harrowing chapter of her story and her road to recovery.

Are you Ready? /Pic Creds

The crux of good story telling is the ability to instil a lasting emotional response in the audience. The topics raised in this game are difficult to portray in any medium such as Suicide, Self-harm, Depression, Psychosis and even Death. As unsettling as this may sound, everything about Susan's experience is wonderfully articulated right down to the level designs, music and as well as the dialogue. Those types of feelings are often only felt by a single person and for them to be so well presented in a game no less, I find remarkable. Again, I didn't realise how well it had conveyed those experiences until I was talking about the game months after playing.

The Cat Lady is named as such as Susan has been given 9 lives by an other-worldly character and she falls into different scenarios where she has to collect what is owed. There is an all-round "wrongness" feeling to this game as you progress through each chapter, it's designed to make you feel uneasy and as helpless as Susan does. I often felt like I was journeying though each stage of Psychosis or each level was a representation of the darker side of human emotions. It’s dark in the sense of black and white stills and jittered animation, like marionettes on strings. Simplistic art style and yet bright splashes of colour used to draw the eye from the horrors that lurk just outside your vision.

Alan is that you? Pic Creds: ME!

There is a section of the game where you are trapped in a house and you have to escape without the occupants making sausages out of you. Susan finds a telephone and tries to ring for rescue. The person on the other end is supposed to be a police responder I think? Susan tries her best to explain her very real and very life threatening predicament. Now, previously in game Susan was in a secured unit and made her escape from there using someone else's information, so when the police person looks up Susan's info their attitude towards her changes. Oh you were recently signed into psychiatric care, are you sure you're not making this up? Several things wrong with this: You're clearly not phoning them from inside the unit, that shit would show on their display, so shouldn't alarm bells be ringing that a vulnerable person is on the loose? Most obviously is the way people with mental health issues are treated by others, whether they be in the "protecting" services or not. This whole scene was made to make you feel as helpless as Susan. This resonated with me deeply. 

There are other sections of the game where I could get through them no problem but I think it counts on its audience to at least have some emotional connection to the theme its presenting. This game became oddly personal, which made it more uncomfortable to play, but I enjoyed playing it. 

I keep mentioning the "experience" aspect as there wasn't much gameplay. It's tagged as Story-Rich Adventure Horror on Steam. I'd loosely call it a game as it's more of an exploratory piece of art. It will introduce game play elements for one section then never use them again or show you content that you can't do anything with but you know is linked to the story. Oh man that wedding dress...I knew it was down there for a reason *shivers*. Typical point and click adventure you have to gather items in order to scare your neighbour because reasons. We break into the basement which is tense on its own and the colour palette in this area is grey and dark, everything is eerie, apart from a manikin wearing a pristine Wedding dress. Everything about it is screaming “don’t touch totes a jump scare” but nothing. Later in the story, there is a cut-scene that takes you back to that dank little room and completely changes the atmosphere as a chilling secret is revealed. That aggravated me somewhat as you could tell there was something else back there but access DENIED.

You touch it, I'll wait right here..-Mitzi /Pic Creds: ME!

But some elements of this game go beyond just disturbing you but downright mess you up!

The whole dialogue between the Wife and Susan when we visit a strange dream world creeped me the fuck out. The use of sound distortion to make your skin crawl is very well done in this chapter. It’s like they experimented with different psychological techniques to induce a fear response in each chapter. This was one of the more successful ones; I had to stop playing to a few days before I could progress in the story. Eeeeerrrrkflibble!   

Nope. NOPE. NOOOPE! /Pic Creds: ME!

I could harp on about this game all day.

I would recommend fellow Horror connoisseurs to play this game but be warned it goes there, where other games fear to tread. I admire the game makers more for that I think.

P.S I searched the net for a few pictures to add above and discovered who the characters related to the Wedding Dress scene were, let's just say they didn't have a happy ending...turns out they're actually from a game called Downfall, which is the story prequel to the Cat Lady! They are re-making it for a 2015 release so I'm super excited for that!

P.P.S omg this game is also amazing!  I find it very peculiar that the scenes that resonated with me the most in The Cat Lady are actually snippets/references from Downfall when I hadn't even known of its existence. Now that is some creepy shit!

Nalabox Dislikes: Alan Wake

But I enjoyed his nightmares.  

There are already a few reviews of this game on the internet so I won’t really be adding any new sauce to this well grilled game. Excellent story largely let down by gameplay.

Want to know what I shouted the most while playing this game?

“Alan man just fucking *…*”
*shoot
*dodge
*run
*JUMP
*ANYTHING!!!!
*HURNGHH!

Created by Me with imgflip.com

I felt compelled to compare Alan with my interpretation of the Lara-split syndrome (totally a thing I just made up) apart from where as wor lovely Gameplay Lara is the bidness it seems Alan Wake suffers from the reverse…. Cutscene Alan is at least slightly clued up about his situation but Gameplay Alan is just… lifeless. He’s a monotonous drone that compelled me to think he deserved his fate to be honest. Also there was no mention in the games features that Gameplay Alan would be vulnerable to the Daniel-from Amnesia-style freaking out and dodging TOWARDS the thing that scared him. GAME. UGH.  Alas, Cutscene Alan, I wanted him to reach the end, find his love and escape the evil that consumed him. 

A True Bro.
Pic Cred: Alan Wake Faceybook Page

Barry.


Barry was mint. I felt there wasn’t enough about him in the first game and I’m glad you got a chance for some closure in American Nightmare, for him and some of the other characters. In fact, the only character I wasn’t very interested in was Alan himself. He was a bit of a dick to everyone around him, even more so in American Nightmare: making all those choices to affect the lives of those people and not really giving it a second thought whether they would continue to exist or not. Emma Sloan for example. He fails to save her more than once and she’s forced to remember a horrific tragedy over and over again. We only come into that reality after he’s already faced Mr Scratch so how many times has it really been? Mr Scratch has already caused trouble for some period of time to have affected reality to the point it made it possible for Alan to break through in the first place.

Emma Sloan. This is how I felt when seeing Alan too hun
Pic Cred

I get these games were meant to make you feel his desperation, the loneliness, being self-alienated and possibly what it’s like to know the truth of something but no one believes you. They think you’re crazy.  It attempted that anyway. I’d played “The Cat Lady” shortly before the Alan Wake games and I think that raised the bar for me in regards to the emotional depth of a character and feeling what they feel. Damn that was a good game. You know I didn’t realise how much it had disturbed me until a few weeks ago when I was telling a friend to play it. *Shivers* [I will replay it and share what I mean with you in the near future]

I tell ye what though, Gameplay Alan and Cutscene Lara deserve each other. Stick ‘em in a boat and ship them off to Diver’s Isle and fecking leave them there to jump over the logs that are capable of inflicting mysterious psychological damage and they can sit there and cry about it.   

Gurges

­I get Gurges. 

Game urges. 

I get inclination to play games that I've played and completed before. Nothing really remarkable about that right? 

However, I've noticed that I want to play the same games around the same time I did the year before. Recently, it's been Mass Effect 3. But you know you can't just play 3, you have to go through them all to get to 3. 

Thanks to a little social media app thingy it tells me I had the same desire to indulge myself with Femshep the same time the year before and the year before that. Is there anything to this? Does anyone else go through the desire to play games the same time of year? I wonder if it's because we invested so much time in a new game when it was fresh and glorious our brains remember "hey you felt really good this time last year, thanks to that new gaming experience, maybe you should play it again so we get that same rush again". 

Shuggah! /Pic Creds

I’m not a Scientist nor am I very technical so forgive me for any mistakes I may make in these next few sections. Most of this was not common knowledge to me before I started writing.

I decided to look in to why this may be the case and wondered if it’s something to do with how your body responds to stimuli from its environment, like in Seasonal Affective Disorder, and how your brain records that experience. There is such a phrase as ‘Body Chemistry Memory’ or 'Cellular Memory' which is somewhat on the Skepticism list and I feel it doesn't quite capture what I am trying to define/answer. Chemical reactions don’t “remember” how to react, they just respond depending upon the factors involved. When those same conditions are met each time the response would be the same right?

 In psychology we are taught that through experience we develop schema, a kind of framework in which we use each time we encounter that situation. (Enter a Library= must be silent. Wait for green man to cross the road otherwise you’ll die etc). That is what is stored in our brain, so, now bare with me here, when our bodies react to our environment they would produce a physiological and psychological response simultaneously that the brain retains, yes? So when those conditions occur again our brain recalls that information and gives the same response “oh hey the last time this happened we responded like this so that means we have to respond in the same way” now it does this regardless whether we responded to the experience in a positive or negative way. I’d imagine similar to SAD when the body is overwhelmed by certain environmental conditions that it doesn't produce the appropriate response. 

How does this relate to games? Haad on man, I’m getting there!

KA-ME-HA-ME-CONTRA! /Pic Creds

Countless studies have been conducted on the effects of video games on behaviour but I only found a few actually relating to brain chemistry. Mostly, researchers have focused upon negative stimuli presented by games, i.e violence and how that affects the person afterwards. In one study, that has been cited in various places, but the original source from a Japanese news website eludes me, monitored the Beta waves of folks who don’t play videogames (they exist!) and people who play them an awful lot (like me and you). Beta waves indicate frontal lobe activity which is responsible for emotions and creativity. Seems us gamers have zero beta waves and no signs of our brains in a resting mode while we are playing games and this doesn't change or revert to a “normal” level after the game is switched off. The original researcher suggested this is the reason people who play videogames for long periods of time are prone to personality and anti-social behaviour. Another writer talking about this study mentioned the possibility that the brain perceives the games as real hence the behavioural changes and the brain not being in a “rested” mode so playing games to relax is simply not the case where our brains are concerned! The latter I agree with, however the original study, and many others like it, didn't measure the participants’ predisposition to anti-social behaviour or anxiety or even to violent behaviour. They would have had to monitor those who never played videogames and ask them to gradually increase the hours of game time and record brainwaves to really say if it was the game that contributed to the behavioural changes.

SCIENCE! /Pic Creds

Most videogame research is based around the effects of violence and mature content in games and how that possibly contributes to a person being violent themselves. We all know by now that ALL media exposes us to these same things every day. Videogames are blamed for desensitising people to the violence of war and criminal acts but we are seeing more and more of these images being broadcast by the news and in some cases glorified by other media. They used to block out images of dead children and bloody missing limbs you know. They don’t now. That shit sells. It’s constantly happening around the world and we are shown these images all the time it’s almost becoming the norm.

I did find a gem of an article (while finding the above pictures so it's the same link) about the BENEFITS of gaming to help treat psychological disorders as our brains are “trained” to grow bigger during play. Best quote:-


“These brain regions are involved in functions such as spatial navigation, memory formation, strategic planning and fine motor skills of the hands. Increasingly, the level of connectivity between brain areas is being linked to higher intelligence and consciousness.”- Christopher Bergland 2013

You guys and read more here and the source is here (journal link) if you have access to the journal. I don’t so I’m a little disappointed I can’t read the full thing.

What I can’t seem to find is anything relating to videogames and Happy emotional responses. I suppose because that subject is not in vogue and parents and officials want something to blame for anti-social and pathological teenagers.

Clicky for Snippet on one such study/ Pic Creds same source.

If our brains perceive the game as a real experience and increases fear, anxiety and paranoia when playing violent/war/horror/shooters that continues to last after the game has been switched off then surely it would mean that games that make you feel happy/elated/inspired/successful should also continue to last after the game is switched off?

Why would the brain, if it perceives the game as a real experience, want to experience it again? Especially since most games are a creator driven narrative that the player can’t change the outcome. Even the desire to play those violent war/shooter games constantly, why would the brain want to experience what is essentially a traumatic experience?

Apart from when this happened. Sorry Moira/ Pic Creds: Me!

Where does the desire to play the game again possibly come from? A basic response to seasonal associations? Not necessarily to do with the seasons in the weather sense, but our psychological associations to a period of time in our lives. Again, studies showing the negatives and connections to Seasonal Disorders (Winter and Suicide for example clicky) but not much on positive seasonal associations. Maybe because it’s not much of a social phenomenon to warrant investigation?

Buy ALL THE THINGS!!! /Pic Creds

Steam Summer Sales, Big Summer releases, Publisher and Dev conventions, Big Christmas releases, highly anticipated titles, teaser Downloadable Content, Half-Life 3?! To us gamers, these are positive seasonal associations. That rush of excitement to play a new release after waiting so long (I’m looking at you Mass Effect 3), that level of elation continues as you play the game which doesn't dissipate after you switch it off. Your brain takes that experience, if we assume it perceived the game as real, and produces a physiological and psychological response. Remember that from earlier? I said that a while back… So even though the game came out a few years ago my body and brain retain that experience and want to repeat it.        

The answer to this, I think, it is because our brains are addicted to their own juices.

Jooocie/ Gif creds

This concept is not new in relation to videogames. The prime framework of gaming addiction theory is the role of endorphin's in gamers. I know too well the consequences of that fine line of enjoyment leading to consumption. When getting to that next level is the briefest euphoria and it all but consumes you like quicksand and you’ll spend money and time to keep your head up just to feel that rush again, but it gets fainter and fainter each time. Until it consumes your life or even takes your life, in extreme cases.

I often liken it to a hollow orgasm. Your 4^th never quite feels like your first, huh? Even for guys I’d imagine it feels similar. That’s the only metaphor I can think of to describe what it’s like, well for me anyway. 

I've tried to find research that wasn't related to the after effects or negativity that surrounds this topic but it seems not many have picked up on this fact that the target groups in these studies are addicted to the chemical produced by the brain as a result of playing instead they focus/blame the game itself. As I said earlier it’s still “in vogue” to use videogames as the scapegoat to explain away behavioural problems in young people. 

It seems fellow gamers and bloggers know what I’m talking about all too well as they have quoted the same guy (clicky) but the academics who study us just don’t want to broach the subject, or maybe they've tried to and their work has been “held back” by the publishers? Or I just can’t find it?

Idunnolol /Pic Creds

I have explored some answers to my questions but I’m still not fulfilled.

I guess some things I've found can explain why I play games repeatedly but not the same game especially where I cannot change the outcome of the narrative or explain why I feel the urge to play it around the same time of year?

I have discovered that it’s not only Endorphin we’re addicted to but a few of its friends too:-

The Happy Chemicals join your party!

Dopamine, the guy who makes you want that next level, the Warrior,

Serotonin, the guy who makes the imagined real and the real imagined, the Mage,

Oxytocin, the guy who makes you emotionally invested, Priest,

And lest we forget;

Endorphin, the guy who makes you euphoric and numb, the Bard.

end. /Pic Creds

Microwave cooking circa 1950's

So found this book:

Thought it would come in handy since our over broke about a year ago and the Landlord said "hey you have a microwave you can still eat"

Yeah coz It's the same thing right?

Holy fudge that looks amazing I'm totally gonna make that no problem!

NAILED IT!

Bone Vs Muscle

I always ask that of fellow Tattooed people. What hurts more? Getting them on muscle or bone?

I'm a loss for words when I try to describe to a new medical professional involved in my case about the type and degree of pain I'm feeling right at that moment and how it compares to other times. They always ask you what the pain is like at the worst time, and where the pain is located. 

I'm Hip FAI post-op so I've be in physio pretty much fortnightly since that day. I've read that some people recover really well and stop physio within a couple of weeks after surgery. It's been almost 2 years since my op. I have other muscular issues as well so don't think that this is normal if you're here to read about the FAI. Trust me, stick to the exercises and stretches they give you afterwards and you'll build up that core strength to aid in the healing process for your hip. It needs stability. 

What I'm stuck with is them giving me a program that centre's around pain management. However, when I describe my pain they immediately fire off with solutions and trials that are based on the pain coming from my muscles.

I have bone pain.

It's totally a thing believe me. Bones can cause you pain by simply not being in the correct position. I think people who suffer shin splints will get what I'm talking about, you can feel your bones splitting when walking or putting weight on them.

Like so.

Depending on the physical activity and how long I do it for (hur hur insert sex joke) my hip joint can lock up and that's it. I'm having trouble now just typing it down what exactly happens but it's not my muscles. My hip joint doesn't sit on the top of my femur properly, so when I over work it, it kinda slips off its base a bit and catches, hence the impingement in the first place. Still happens even after the op so now I get just that shock of pain rather than a prolonged throbbing pain that extended to the muscles from them compensating being in the wrong place.


Folks pre-op will know what I'm talking about too. It's all connected and your body is trying to set you right by pulling everything towards the side that has been impinged. That will get better over time, provided you stick to your program. Oh and if the Doctor tells you to walk on your crutches with your heel off the floor and the physio tells you to leave your heel on the ground, go with the physio! Your thigh muscle will heal shorter and you'll spend ages trying to stretch that bugger back out. Which I'm still trying to do. 

Solutions and programs for bone pain? 

When I know, you'll know.      

Daily Snippet: Spoons well spent

Today I've spent tackling the garden. It's got 10 yrs worth of overgrowth and has been doing whatever the hell it likes for a long time now. I made a promise I would sort it out and I've been cutting, clearing and replanting for over a year now. 

2013

2014
Planted some potatoes along the side. Found a chair!

Today: Before!

Today: After!

It had only recently occurred to me to take Before and After pics. But I can honestly say that was Spoons well spent.

Viennetta in the Bath you say? Cor Decadence! 

(apologies if this shows up twice I tried to post using the app but it's crapp!)

Daily snippet: Voyeurism

According to Blogger I have 1200 page views since I started up last year! 

Yay thanks for the visiting folks!

Yet, I've only had about 5 new subs/tweeters/likers in that time.

Such is the nature of the Internet. And blogging for that matter. Putting personal and private thoughts words out into the void of the Web and the only reciprocation is the knowledge you have been "viewed".