Funthrough! Tomb Raider Part Two!

Ha! Today I panic and argue with Lara in the Coastal Forest! 

Like I would have a clue really? About survival after a shipwreck or even being left on my own in the woods for a night. I should take some pointers from Ingo since he's had some training on the matter so I decided to Interview him:

Me: Okay so Ms Croft and I have washed up ashore on an island off the coast of Japan somewhere so that should give you a clue as to the environment, humidity etc. She's scruffy, wet, cold, been clocked in the head, tied up, fell about 50ft and landed on a bone shard which dug into her side, she's bleeding and exhausted. Me? I'm like her imaginary friend... So what should we do?

Ingo: Prioritise. I think even the most hardcore military trained survival nutcase would be more than a little shaken up by the experience and clarity of thought is a lifesaver. Concussion is in itself dangerous, but combined with the abdominal trauma just staying conscious would be a near superhuman feat. One, stop the bleeding. Ideally there I wouldn't be pulling a shard of anything back out of my torso. Looking at where it is, could be kidney, liver, punctured large intestine. Anything. Jamming my hands over the entry wound around the shard and whimpering to myself would probably be my main plan for the next half hour at least. I could assume from that half hour that I hadn't bled to death, and provided I hadn't also slipped into a coma from the head trauma it would be time to extract myself out of the hole I was in. Fans of 'Rambo' will reflect on the wince-inducing self surgery Stallone performs on screen, and while the reality would probably involve allot more swearing and crying, you really would have to make do with something similar.
      Controlling infection would also come to mind, and given the dire circumstances I think I would be trying to heat up some of the scrap metal that seems to be everywhere and cortorise AROUND the shard for the time being, probably while screaming and soiling myself. Then? stagger upwards hoping I'd done enough to continue living for the next hour or so, and distract myself by keeping a check on my breathing, internal bleeding being something that would make itself known now, best case being abdominal swelling and painful bruising, worst case either a punctured bowel leading to a septic wound and death, or bleeding into my upper abdomen/chest cavity and compressing my lungs. All happy thoughts. Assuming Lara is very lucky (and seriously mentally and physically tough) she could look forward to a very slow painful ascent through the caves. Out of the cave and on a tropical/temperate island, I would probably be both elated and worried. Tropical islands make for less harsh survival territory, providing water-shelter-heat-food needs (in that order) relatively easily. However, there's always something else, and in this case the humid climate would make it very very hard for me to keep my wound clean. I would stagger towards the beach and keep my eyes open for where water sources empties into the sea, this sort of outfall being ideal to find drinking water. Salty seawater would be great to irrigate and clean my injuries too, (winces) sore though. At this point, due to the concussion, it would be a real battle to stay awake. I'm inclined to say I would put a cold wet rag on my head wound, out of optimism that it would control the swelling, and pass out in the recovery position, hoping for the best.         

Me: One of the other characters told her to move towards his location but she hasn't got a clue where she is let alone how to navigate to him. Is this sound advice? What should people do in this situation?

Ingo: Madness. You're already in a bad way, adding 'lost and away from your little base camp' is suicidal. I remember a story about a pilot who was shot down, and by staying in the same quarter mile hiding from enemy patrols, an SAR (search and rescue) team was able to find him within a couple of days. If he'd wandered off he would probably have been impossible to find, and died of exposure before anything else. Unless you have a couple of landmarks that can be seen from miles away, you can use triangulation. for example, Lara is on the coast, so there's a reference point, and she can see a clifftop with a big broken tree on it that she estimates is four football fields away, and in the other direction she can see a trashed plane or something, and that's five football fields away, so marking those points and noting how far from her they are she could direct the other party to her (coastlines are pretty permanent so they would have a hard time walking past her location and out to sea) using this method to head inland... I'd be wary. we're still injured pretty badly. 

Me: Supplies are nil and Lara wants to go Deer hunting. How should you go about doing this?

Ingo: Seriously? eat some fruit if there's any you can identify as safe, drink any water you can make potable, make a sharp stick and go get some fish. I have no idea how you could just up and make an accurate bow capable of delivering enough poundage to kill a deer. If venison was my one and only option? I'd make snares, a lot of snares. While eating fish. probably use a lot of cabling from the wrecks as cordage. Even then though, snares are hard to use with any reliability  you have to put out a large number to get a little return. Dressing (butchering) a deer is tough too, if i was injured already it would be very difficult. I'd have to kill the deer, bleed it (black pudding anyone?), slit it open, scoop out the guts like I was Han Solo so it didn't spoil the meat, then have to move the carcass to where my camp was. Definately a daunting task if you're not 100%

Me: Lara finds a bow, and in the game takes a small bit of venison, leaving most of the carcass behind. 

Ingo: In that case yes, Deer can be on the menu, cover yourself in mud and moss to hide your people scent and go stalking. This would still be physically demanding and I would be worried about having enough water and energy to go on. As for taking a small amount of meat and moving on? no, no way, an a-frame litter could be made out of dead fall and lashed together with intestine. A carcass is definitely too good a thing to waste any of, and preserving the meat can be a simple as cutting it into small strips and using your a frame to hang it over a fire. Tasty jerky. Boiling seawater down to get the salt would be a good way to go too. As always though, if you can't find or make potable water don't eat, your body uses up a lot of water digesting food and its always better to err on the side of being hydrated over being fed in the short term.       

Ingo raises some very interesting points about hydration, the dangers of concussion and Lara being in need of serious medical attention. In short, she should be dead. Survival immersion can become tedious and desperate and then you remember it's just a game but is accuracy about this type of stuff important? Considering Video Games are blamed for violent crimes and anti-social behaviour can you claim to be realistic when it is riddled with bad advice?

So I decided to look it up and see what other helpful tips you should remember if you ever find yourself stranded. I found this list from gcaptain.com:

1. Shelter yourself. Exposure can kill faster than thirst or hunger.

2. Do not drink urine. Or sea water. Or bird blood

3. Do not eat jellyfish. Or fish that have spikes. Or fish that have parrot like beaks. OR that puff up like balloons.

4. Turtles are an easy catch and make for excellent meals. Their blood is a good, nutritious, salt-free drink; their flesh is tasty and filling; their fat has many uses; and the castaway will find turtle eggs a real treat. Mind the beak and the claws.

5. If a castaway is injured, beware of well-meaning but ill-founded medical treatment. Ignorance is the worst doctor, while rest and sleep are the best nurses.

6. Put your feet up at least 5 minutes every hour

7. Do not go swimming. It wastes energy. Besides, a survival craft may drift faster than you can swim. Not to mention the danger of sea life. If you are hot, wet your clothes instead.

8. As long as no excessive water is lost through perspiration, the body can survive up to 14 days without water. If you are thirsty, suck a button.

9. Beware of far-off clouds that look like mountains. Look for green. Ultimately, a foot is the only good judge of land.

10. Don’t let your morale flag. Be daunted but not defeated. Remember: the spirit, above all else, counts. If you have the will to live, you will. Good luck

Now the site says they're from the novel Life of Pi by Yan Martel some seem to be very sensible but others don't feel that legit to me. I agree with ignorance not being the best medical practice since you all know how much I favoured Dr Ignorance but I'm sure as hell you shouldn't just go to sleep if your really badly injured and if you're by yourself too! Treat your wounds first and try to prevent infection. Also do not fall asleep if you have a concussion! With that in mind, number 5 is a perfect example of well meaning but ill-founded medical advice. This is just an example from another fictional source so again I ask the question if you're going to publish content on survival shouldn't you make sure it's accurate?

Following that Ingo suggested use your common sense, Prioritise and try not to panic!

Also check out this guy, he knows his shit! Ranger Rick

                           Clicky Funthrough! Tomb Raider part 2 Clicky

Funthrough! Tomb Raider 2013

A Funthrough?

Yes! It's not as comprehensive as a walkthrough but not quite a runthrough as I'd rather have fun with a game I'm playing than take it dreadfully seriously so it's a FUNTHROUGH!

I finally managed to get my video capture and editing stuff working and with some gusto and many coffees later I have the first video up on YouTube:

clicky Nalabox Channel: Tomb Raider part 1  clicky

I had to play the intro over and over again just to get stuff to work and stupid ass me forgetting to record sound and somehow ended up making a 25GB file! Jeebus!

Please feel free to comment and let me know how I'm doing. I know I suck cake arse but I can only get better with practice :)

I do have other projects in the pipeline too.

Nalabox Loves: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

"Dovahkiin"

Dragonborn. A title that commands respect and emanates power beyond any mortal imagining.

Skyrim is the next chapter in the history of Tamriel which has spanned across four previous main story games, extra content, spin off's and eventually as of 2013 an Massively Multiplayer Online Game; The Elder Scrolls Online. That's nearly 18 years of development and fantastic storytelling. Thank you Bethesda :) 

Your humble beginnings are unknown in the prologue to the game. All you do know is your being carted off to the Helgen outpost as Imperial Soldiers have captured Ulfric Stormcloak, the rebel leader, so it's a beheading for him and unfortunately you too for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Not going well for you so far huh? It gets even worse. As Ulfric comes closer to meeting the edge of the executioners axe a giant mythical beast of scale and fire, once thought to be destroyed many centuries ago, swoops down and attacks the people of Helgen: allowing Ulfric and yourself to escape. Once finally out of the now burning Helgen you are free to roam the wild snowy landscape that is Skyrim.

Bethesda are very experienced at making games where the player can become whom ever he/she likes and choose which ever path it takes to get there and this game is no exception. There are main story quests to follow in which you discover you are Dragonborn and learning powerful Tha'ums which is the language of the Dragons by absorbing their souls, their knowledge. 

A bag of bones

You can also decide to join either the Imperial Soldiers fighting for the Empire or the natives of Skyrim the rebellious Stormcloaks who are fighting against the Empire and the right to worship Talos as a God, even though he was a normal dude, but an hero to all of Skyrim. This upsets the Thalmor Elves, who from previous instalments of the Elder Scrolls are the bad guys. I haven't chosen a side yet as I see the benefit to being able to walk into every town and not get attacked by one faction or the other. Also, I find the religious war excuse, as just exactly that. I'm sure the story is more complicated than that considering Ulfric Stormcloak killed the High King of Skyrim and I'm guessing the Empire didn't like that. 

This game also distracts you from the main story with a great many side quests. Oh wow so many times I promised myself I'd just quickly run back to my house in Whiterun, sell my stuff and oooh what's this symbol on the map? A cave? okay it'll only take 10 mins. Oh there's a guy inside and poof there goes an hour. It is incredibly engaging. I must have completed over 50 sidequests plus many miscellaneous quests on top of that but only actually done about 20% of the main story. But that's the great thing about it, that's what this game was made for. For you to do whatever the hell you like!  It has got to the point now where I'm actually slightly displaced from the story and enjoying myself more getting to know the people and secret organisations within Skyrim.

I remember from playing Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion there were guilds and factions you could join to earn extra monies and perks. Like reduced bounty, with the Thieves Guild, when you got caught in a house you may or may not have had permission to be in. Skyrim is no different, however has greatly improved the development and value of being a member of these guilds and factions. You can follow main plot quests specifically for your chosen trade that not only rewards you with perks, unique gear and special life changing abilities but also gives you a connection with the characters involved due to brilliant intricate storytelling. I've had more fun with the Thieves Guild and Companions quest lines than I have the main story so far. 

I was always one head in front of him!

The combat system allows the player to engage with foes from a distance using ranged weapons and magic or with the use of one-handed or two handed weapons and for those who just like to give the beasties a right ol' whollop the best weapon of all: Your fists. Bosh!

The Dragon Shouts learned from Dragon Word Walls or certain NPC's are a form of supporting magic as they can have area effect as well as long range capabilities and can be used for non-combat too. Such as the Become Ethereal you can walk through solid objects, like doors, and have a peek or avoid detection if your somewhere you shouldn't be. The most used one is probably Unrelenting Force as it can be very effective for knocking Dragons out of the sky, but have your weapons ready, once they get up boy are they pissed.

What's great about which ever weapon you choose, you are not limited to that particular style. Yes most of your skill points will be in two-handed but sometimes the situation calls for a less messy approach shall we say? Like an inconvenient arrow to the knee? You don't need to be a prolific archer to down a guard from 100 yards away. Unlike some games where once you've chosen to be a Rogue that's it. All you can use is daggers and crossbows.

I have to say I'm not a magic user per se, I'm in the "two-handed battleaxe" category so I can't really comment on the magic system. But from what I have had to use (quest related) I've found it really easy to get a grasp of (hur hur) and in that classic Elder Scrolls way; the more you use something the better it becomes so if throwing a fiery ball (or balls; duel wield baby!) of doom is your thing then go for it! Me? I like to cleave stuff in half and chop heads. For the HORDE!!! wait...wrong game. 

As you know I love Fallout 3 and the transition from playing that combat system and in that environment to this one wasn't that difficult. I like that they play kind of similar you just hand in your lasers and steampunk attire for Skyforge Steel and Dragon Scale Armour. Yes, you don't need the VAT system here for easy targeting but the combat isn't that difficult to handle to need something like that. I LIKE that Bethesda have made an entirely different game to Fallout and not been lazy about using the same engine and their own stuff to make it awesome and truly unique gaming experience, unlike BioWare: the menus and gameplay for Mass Effect 2 was EXACTLY the same for Dragon Age 2. Lazy.

Frost the Fearless

Firstly, I apologise for the quality of the picture. I don't have everything set up to take stills or record from my Xbox to the laptop so when stuff randonly happens, which is frequently in Skyrim I've noticed; I grab my mobile phone to take pics with. Secondly, my horse is awesome!

I've hired and fired many of the companions you can get to accompany you throughout Skyrim. Some don't cost gold but will make sure you travel to the arse end of no where to get something for them before they'll even think about putting their coats on let alone take an arrow to the..wait already made that joke. But by damn Frost the Fearless Steed has never let me down. Thus far he's the best companion I've had on account that He doesn't run away, glitch, make my presence known, die instantly, doesn't have the IQ of a fart and best of all he was completely FREE. He may or may not have been illegally acquired but since he was technically stolen by someone else doesn't show up as Stolen when he came into my possession. Crime free. Plus he kills Dragons. He's actually better than me too :)
 You know I've read about the possible glitches regarding him running away or just not spawning when you fast travel but he's the only travel companion that hasn't glitched on me in one way or another. He just doesn't die either. Maybe that in itself is a glitch but it's a damn good one for a change! 

I've stuck with Jenessa the Dunmer Mercenary for most of the game, she's not the best I hear but she's the better from the ones I've come across so far. Some puzzles in the ruins you can blunder into require you to have a companion to stand on pressure plates while you pull a lever etc. However, I have found some will just walk  over the very apparent traps and set them off when you have gone to a great deal of care (and time) to avoid. (Lydia; IQ of a fart). The AI of your followers could be greatly improved or a least the instructions you can give them apart from Attack, Stay, Bugger off, and "here carry my stuff!". It would also be helpful if they stayed a certain distance from you at all times especially when sneaking. Many times Aranea the Priestess of Azura didn't even bother going into sneak mode and often didn't actually follow me at all. It is good in some way when a companion is morally objective and often comment on the wrongness of an act you are about to commit it's all very good for the immersion but is it an AI fail or glitch when they simply "push" you into a group of mobs when you are BOTH supposed to be in sneak mode? Harsh, very harsh. I mostly avoided stealthy missions for this reason, my followers would often rush in or Frost would appear out of no where and kill everything anyway.

Which one are you again?

So I decided to get hitched and reap the rewards and joys of matrimony. Mostly the rewards. A homecooked meal and 200 gold a day? Where do I sign up? Best thing is my handsome beardy man is a Training Vendor, which means I can buy skills then get my monies back from trading inventories with my spouse! Another great thing is that you can go Skyrim weeks without seeing them and they don't throw a hissy fit, unlike the many wenches in the Fable games.

Just Google "Skyrim Landscapes" and you'll find some of the best in game screenshots of the world you traverse on your adventures. I have dubbed the landscape "a treat on the senses" as it is truly amazing. a lot of hard work has gone in the the look and feel of the environment and when your spending many many hours of your life in a fantasy world you want it to look real damn good. And real. Which it does spectacularly, from snow capped mountains, stormy seas and even the scale of the cities are amazing. Bethesda never fails to impress when it comes to environment design. The only thing they could have kept on par is the enclosed spaces to match the overwhelming feeling of "awe" for their outside spaces. Objects or characters trying to interact with their environment in a small cave or house just repeated the same glitches often found in Oblivion and spaces often looked unfinished and blocky, not to mention a whole area of the map with nothing in it.

GLITCHES! Bugs, objects colliding at incredible speeds, cows falling out of the sky, broken spawns...the list goes on for the many glitches found throughout the game and it's a shame they feel like the same known glitches experienced in Oblivion and I'd imagine it's predecessors too. It spoils your fun and sometimes you just have to say "come on guys didn't you fix this from last time?" too much effort and time spent on making this game look good they forgot about making it FUNCTION? I'd understand if there were new bugs but not the same ones overlooked? 

Overall, it looks amazing, wild and the freedom very much appeals to me. Character interactions could be improved, hell their AI could be improved greatly and more options to tell your followers what to do. Maybe go as far as mixing some RTS style commands for combat? The game is distracting, like I mentioned earlier, to the point where it really does defer from the main story line. Maybe it's my innate curiosity and gaming style but I ended up getting really lost sometimes and "lost" from the story too. Doing all those other quests and challenges meant no real progression and it got to the point where I had clocked over 100 hours of game time and no sense of achievement. Also when I did follow the story I found it led you to large open areas with nothing in them, which from the start made me feel like i was testing an unfinished game.

In the end i can say I very much liked this game but I did not LOVE it, primarily because I never finished the game due to my brother wanting his copy back. I don't think I'll be rushing back in to it either.

Gaming Lots

I guess this is just a check in. I know I said I would be blogging lots but it takes a lot of motivation to keep this thing going especially when there's new games in the house! I've recently started playing Skyrim, Dragon Age 2 and a co-op playthrough of Borderlands 2 with Ingo. So busy busy busy.

I've also been looking through Superfly, my old rescued laptop drive  for articles to share with you and boy did I save a lot of crap. Why we keep things from years after university I have no idea. Did I think I needed them for some reason? I guess if I transfer them to here they would be useful but severely outdated. I have found one presentation from a games company conducting research about how girls game and it looks like it was written by someone who didn't even go out and do the work themselves and didn't really like the figures so just made it up. If I can find a way to put it on here I will do. It's laughable. I got a lot of stuff that may be of interest to anyone searching keywords for essays and such like. Maybe. 

Nalabox Loves: Fallout 3

“The Lone Wanderer”

This game was my first venture into the action-role play genre of an optional liner storyline and free roaming environment. I hadn't played the previous instalments of Fallout for the PC so the introduction of the karma system was totally new to me. Making good or bad choices having an effect on how you play the game and whether or not you got to do optional quests because of being too good or too evil was fantastic. There has been so many times I've played games a bit on the renegade side and never got penalised for it, yeah it makes the game super easy but where's the enjoyment in that? As well as the karma system the character development is a lot more detailed than what I've been used to. There are skill points I can assign to my S.P.E.C.I.A.L (Strength. Perception. Endurance. Charisma. Intelligence. Agility and Luck ) traits and practical skills such as weapon proficiencies, science, repair and speech etc which are all dependent on how many points are in allocated in S.P.E.C.I.A.L. The more you have in Charisma the better your Barter and Speech skills. The Fallout series have all had Perks which can be obtained when the player levels up which can determine extra attributes to your skills. For example I had no idea in my second playthrough that I could just completely skip doing the Wasteland Survival Guide side quests by persuading Moira Brown that it was a daft idea, hence getting the Dream Crusher perk, this means that enemies are now afraid of me and their critical hit chance is reduced by half. Ha!

Fallout 3 is based in post-apocalyptic America after a 200 year nuclear fallout caused by a war between China and the USA in 2077. You are one of the many survivors in an underground vault called vault 101. You were born there and you will die there. No one enters and no one leaves.

your Tomb/Home :)

Until your Dad does. Leaving the underground community in disarray and letting the gribblies in killing the unarmed residents which pisses off the Overseer, the boss man, who seems to think you, a nineteen year old kid had something to do with it. You are thrust into the Wasteland with nothing but a security truncheon and a Tunnel Snakes Gang leather jacket to face all manners of thugs, thieves, raiders, mental robots, giant radioactive beasties, feral ghouls, super mutants, Mr Burke and much more. You suffer all this just to find your Dad and demand to know what the hell is going on!

As the story progresses you learn that your father, voiced by Liam Neeson, was a scientist trying to bring back the waters of life and start re-building humanity and that task now falls to you.

You have your typical tutorial style quests to get you used to the game during the “childhood” years of living in the vault, I guess it is a nursery for the game. Then as the story progresses and you get launched into the wider world you have the option to follow the main storyline and complete optional side-quests and any Downloadable Content you may have with the game. You can choose whatever gaming style you like to complete the quests. For example; you can go in to Tenpenny Towers with diplomacy and tact, while pickpocketing keys to just let the ghouls in or you know, guns blazing and let the ghouls take over or even take the ghouls out yourself. It's entirely up to you. There has been times when I tried a little of both to complete a quest depending on whether I want Good or Bad Karma resulting from it. What I love most about this game is the exploring and thus far it is the only game, that I have played, that actually rewards curiosity. You can be in the arse end of nowhere and still find food, gadgets and ammo. Especially if you try to be a real smartie pants and walk to Rivet City without using the underground metro tunnels. Plus it all looks and sounds amazing. True survival.

There are a few special items tucked away here and there to help improve your chances of survival and some items increase your stats permanently: Vault Tec Bobbleheads. They're everywhere and some are very hard to find and send you MILES out of your way to get. Some, if your not careful can only be found before certain main storyline events have occurred. Keep an eye out chaps.

Yes, I play with Dolls!

The combat system for a newbie like me was easy to grasp especially the VATS- VaultTec Assisted Targeting System. Everyone is a crack shot with the Gauss Rifle using that. It did take the difficulty of moving targets away for me and being completely new to a FPS. I panicked a lot in my first playthrough. Some people said VATS detracted from being “in the game”, essentially pausing the game to line up your shots. I'm sorry but walking into Old Olney on your tod with nothing but grenades you kinda need that brief pause to. Breathe. Lob your last grenade. And leg it. You also don't want a game to detract from the fact it is a game afterall, not a simulation of surviving in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Why the hell would I be in America anyway? I'd want to see how well I do in my home country: make a game about that!

I honestly don't know what it is specifically that I love about this game I just do. I have played it through 3 times now, once on the ps3 and twice on the xbox 360 and I've never been bored with it. Even though I've been through all the quests as Good, Neutral and Evil. I've explored every nook and cranny, played the DLC over and over. It is such a good game.

Fallout New Vegas, however, is a different story.

I tried to leave off playing it for about a year but I still feel like it was just another DLC. They didn't change much of the game to make it stand alone from Fallout 3. It was too short for one and I don't know whether it was the choices I made or whatever but I found the ending a bit disappointing. I thought they were going to implement some sort of war tactics style gameplay at the end but they didn't and the ending is not what I would have chosen for myself. I might pick it back up and play it again to finish the side quests which seems a lot more fun and engaging than the main storyline I have to say. Might leave it completely and play something else.  

'A Wild Girl Appears'

It was his first shift back at GAME from a two week holiday he booked especially off for the release of Skyrim. Greg liked to dedicate his time off to doing absolutely sweet F.A and some hardcore “me” time because at 27, you can do that kind of shit. He had pre-ordered the PC game before any of his housemates and had the only copy in the house, which boosted his gloating rights. Naturally. Greg was the loner gamer type of guy and didn't really want Jim and Michael back-seat gaming because hey, who needs that? So time off while they were at work was much needed.

It was kind of weird being back at work after being submerged for almost sixteen hours a day in the beautiful world of Skyrim; buying houses, fighting dragons and learning an ancient yet colourful language. The only colourful language Greg would hear today would be from potentially abusive customers or the shop manager Steve. Steve is always bearing down on the rest of the guys to try pull sales in from soft toy merchandise and meeting the points card subscription targets. Boring stuff that customers aren't interested in. Most people who come into the shop know exactly what they're after or have specific instructions from their kids. When Greg first got the job the joke was that he would be in the prime location to get all the best games before they were released at a considerable discount, test the pre-owned consoles and hey maybe even find a girlfriend! The latter made him cringe, this place a babe magnet? Seriously? The girls that came into the shop were lured in by their boyfriends on the promise if they buy this one game they will go into any shop she wanted for as long as she wanted! Or the girls who came in looking for cutesy games like Tamagotchi Cornershop and any of those Sing-star games really.

Then there was Becky. The problem with dating another member of staff is exactly that, you have to work with them. Now there wasn't anything wrong with Becky, she worked in the same shop so that meant she liked games right? That's a start. She was fairly pretty, she got bonus points for that, Almost too good to be true, except she's only 18 and of course, has a boyfriend.

Greg knew that the girl he was looking for didn't really exist. Heck he knew every other guy out there was looking for the same thing. An attractive woman who enjoyed games, comics and geekdom just as much as he did. Sure he'd heard of some girls on the internet who like to pose in costumes of his favourite characters, but did they actually have a clue who they were dressed up as? He didn't join the online groups knowing full well those other guys looking for this imaginary woman would pose as “her” to troll other guys. They're dicks like that.
“Excuse me?” Maybe he should stop fooling himself


“Excuse me? Sir do you work here?” even if a woman ever did want to talk to him “I'm looking for Skyrim?” what would he talk about? Skyrim? “huh?” mumbled Greg. “Hi, I'm looking for Skyrim, hopefully for the 360?” said the girl.

“Oh, I have that game, your boyfriend will really enjoy it” Sales Greg said.

“I don't have a boyfriend. I want it for me” said the newly single girl.

Treading carefully, Greg wanted to find out more about this mysterious creature.

“Have you played role-play games like this before? It might not be what your used to?”

“Well, I've tried playing the role play shooting games but they're not really my thing, but Borderlands! Oh Wow I love that game and Fallout 3. I'm more into those types of games.”

Someone must have put her up to this.

“I've played things like Suikoden, Pesmerga and Stallion are my favorite characters, and Tales of Eternia and attempted Final Fantasy, they were fun.” Greg straightened up and looked out of the shop over her shoulder expecting to see Jim or Michael.

She continues “I've also played point and click role-play games like Myst and Monkey Island, Discworld, Sam and Max. That type of stuff.” But nope, no sign of them. “I recently finished New Vegas and I'm currently playing Oblivion for the second time, so I figured Skyrim can't be that much different since it's the next game in the series” said the attractive woman. A quick glance to see the smirk on Steve's face. He's a dick like that too. But no smirk, he was busy with another customer. Greg paused, ticking off a mental list as his future wife continued. “My friend Danielle said she really enjoyed it and reminded her of Warcraft” So there's more than one of these outstanding creatures out there? He thought.

“....But better, it hasn't got the pvp arseholes who gank you all the time and spoil it for everyone. Me? I haven't played WoW in years, not since my dissertation” Greg looked bemused. “Oh yeah,” she continued, “I based my dissertation on Warcrack , couldn't think of anything to write about at the time and I was heavily in to the game so why not eh?”

Hardly believing his senses: a remarkable young woman who was in here looking for a game for herself, dedicated her time and life to games and was talking to him. Greg. They laughed at him with this dream of one day meeting that perfect woman they all talk about on the internet, and here she was standing right in front of him, an angel. No longer a dream, but here right in front of him. And oh god why can't he just talk to her, she's walking away!

“Well I can see you don't have the Xbox version in at the moment” Oh damn she's leaving quick tell her she can have the PC version. “..and I don't have a working PC at the moment” Dammit! “So I guess I'll keep looking around” Say something! Dude “Thanks a lot, bye!” She's gone. You're such an idiot.

“Hey, Steve did you hear that lass I was talking to?” said Greg, completely in awe.

“What lass? You been day dreaming again mate?” laughed Steve, in the get your arse back to work kind of laugh.

They're never going to believe me.

The End.
I slightly exaggerated the story but that's really what I blabbered on to him about and that's really how he behaved around me. In all honesty I did hear him say “but your a girl” under his breath when I mentioned Warcraft. The sad thing is I went back about 4 weeks later to see if they had Skyrim in but they had closed down so I will never know what happened to Greg. Sad face. This isn't the only encounter I've had with the gamer/geeky guys trying to talk to me. One guy even cut himself off mid sentence and said there wasn't any chance of a girl like me going out with a guy like him and walked away. I was willing to give him a chance but if you go into something with a defeatist attitude the only person getting in the way of you is you.

Adhesive Plaster 1- 0 Thigh Hair

Day One:

I had everything packed but I was stalling for time the morning of the surgery. My mum and brother had arrived to help me with my things but I said I hadn't finished packing. Must remember teabags. Must do the washing up. Must remember to hang the laundry. Stall for time. My partner couldn't leave work early to come see me before I left. He did try. Had to wait for email confirmation before he could leave the office. Before lunchtime, no chance, everyone else on the other end washing their noses in salad boxes. He was stuck waiting. I was stalling. It'll be okay. I am coming back in a few days. Right?

There is always a feeling of uncertainty when you go for an operation. But I wasn't worried about the risk of not being here anymore, I was more concerned about trying to console everyone else. Anyway, if something did happen they all knew Dr Ignorance's number and a horde would descend upon him if he fucked up.

I was late getting to the hospital for my 12:30 check in. But I wasn't bothered because theatre didn't start until 2pm and I had been told the week before a lady was due in before me, as her surgery would take less time and I was a special case. When I arrived, I was called in first to take my details. My mother wasn't allowed to come with me or wait in the reception area. I thought this was very strange. The nurse there informed me I was due in surgery first today and since I was late everything had to be hurried along. So I said my goodbyes to my mum and rang my Partner to tell him what was going on. So hurried and it felt wrong being rushed like that.

I was taken to a 'pod' which was basically a cubicle with a chair, a set of draws and a table in it. I was asked to disrobe and put a gown on. Seemed odd again. Told her my info and asked if I would be having a consultation and to sign a consent form. She was quite rude and said all that will be done after I got dressed. Seems a bit backward if you ask me. What if I changed my mind or something came up in my medical history that meant it wasn't possible to operate on me at the time? She left me to it. Didn't answer any of my questions. Talk about making you feel sure and confident.

A different health care assistant came in called Lisa. She was lovely and did answer all my questions and made me feel at ease. She went through all my file with me, typical hospital bureaucracy. It came to my allergies. No latex for me thanks. Oh this may cause a problem since the theatre is already prepared. I glance down and on the front of my file is a post-it note from the pre-assessment nurse last week saying I have a latex allergy and can the theatre be prepared accordingly. Hmm someone missed that bright pink note on the front of my file then? Lisa went away to inform someone. Came back 10 mins later.

"They're going to send the other lady in first since they need to change the room for you"

"Well yeah, I was already told I would be second in line today at my pre-op, for that very reason"

They had me waiting for about 2 hours. Urgh that bloody dragged. I could have been out in the waiting area with my mum and partner, who had finished work by then. So I called him instead. Had the olde 'typical NHS' banter conversation. They even left my file on the table. So I had a neb.

They had my old GP information from 7 years ago as the current one. Yet, had been sending results and reports to my new GP practice. No wonder stuff gets lost. They did have, however, a note from the last time I was in hospital, my allergic reaction to latex. Le sigh. What's the point of inundating medical professionals with record keeping if they can't be arsed to read them when it matters? Howweh man.

Next I met the anaesthetist. A small Indian gentleman, very pleasant. Had a bit of a heavy accent, but that wasn't the problem. He talked waaaay too fast. I only caught a few words. Started to get nervous again when he said the anaesthetic would only last as long as the surgery, about half an hour. Erm? What? Hip Arthroscopy takes about 2 hours plus they have to repair a possible labral tear. Have they got me confused with the first patient again? Ffs.

Then, in comes my favourite person, Dr Ignorance, who is sometimes Dr Complacent. But NOT TODAY! Dr Gameface, went over the consent form I couldn't help but mention making sure its all filled out properly. I still blame him for the MRI arthrogram incident. He didn't fill the form out properly so I never got the anaesthetic I was promised. Thus felt the needle being jabbed into my hip joint. Not. A. Happy. Bunny. He still hasn't said sorry nor thinks it was his fault. So this was my chance to let him know, I still blame him. I'm confident the form is in order and he leaves.

Lisa comes back in to keep me company. Presents me with a rather glamorous stocking. I tell her I'm not a fan of Dr Gameface. She laughs and asks me why I'm going through with this with him?

" I don't have to like him, as long as he does his job properly, I don't have to like him at all. If he fucks up a second time, they'll be hell to pay. " From her reaction he was probably still just in ear shot. I don't care. He clearly doesn't care about me as a person, I'm just another number. Hopefully a number in the 'success' column nonetheless.

My memory is a bit shoddy when they take me into the anaesthetic room. I do recall being very agitated at the anaesthesia nurse guy sticking things on me and talking while Chatty Anaesthetist is trying to ask me questions, and I can't understand a word he's saying. He jabs me with a large needle. That's the line in. Then injects me with, I'm assuming the sleeping drugs. They never tell you what they're injecting you with.

Useless buggers.

"Here we go" Zzzz

.

.

.

Laughing. Why is everyone laughing? There's some banter going on in the Recovery Room. There's a lady beside me, letting me know where I am. That it's all over.

Must have passed out. When did my Dad get here? I'm in a different room. My Beardy Warrior (my partner lol) is here too! It's so good to see them. Lots of words were passed over my head, about me but not to me. I was sooo damn tired. And thirsty. What the hell have they done to my throat? See you tomorrows and kisses. I would cry if I physically could. Keep pumping in fluids but no luck. Need sleeeep.

That's how broken up my experience of afterwards was. Couldn't tell you want the recovery banter was, but I was laughing too. The nurses kept coming to check my blood pressure and then told me to rest. Totally couldn't. They gave me Tramadol, which keeps me awake. Told them this too but they wouldn't take my word for it. Had to take it.

I was expecting to be in much more pain than I was. During surgery apparently they gave me seven shots of morphine. Nee wonder I was feeling sick. I react badly to that too. Couldn't keep water down, but couldn't produce saliva to eat or be sick properly. Needle in my hand killed. They had me in my own room but they didn't close the door, so I heard everything. I was the youngest person on the ward amongst the golden oldies getting their hip replacements, knee surgeries etc. TV's were loud, some poor lady was being sick all the time, and the woman opposite me, was hallucinating. Singing in her sleep. The acoustics of the hall and our open doors meant when she started snoring: it was like she was in the bed next to me :'(.

No Sleep. Make Kee a dull girl.

Well an extremely tired girl. Not having any sleep seems to amplify your pains. Urgh. Every time I felt those zzzz catching up a buzzer would go off or I would need to pee. All those fluids from earlier had to come out sometime :( kept asking for my dressing to be changed too but apparently it was fine...

Cheeky

One good thing about the silence and nurses assuming that I was asleep or assuming I knew more than I did. I found out I was due to be discharged the next day once the doctor and physio had been round to see me. I knew I had to get my muscles moving if they expect me to support myself. I had already researched what physio I would get after surgery. So I wriggled, arched and flexed just to loosen up and start the process.

It was about 4am when I gave up fighting the tramadol and just read a book my friend gave me. 'My sisters' keeper' not sure if it was the best thing to take into hospital with me but it was a pleasant distraction.

Day Two:

7:20am. Morning wake up call. Whole place stirs, night shift handover to morning shift. More blood pressure taken. My dressings finally changed.

Then about 9:30...

" Good morning, can you tell me your name and date of birth please?"

"Hello, who are you?"

This guy looks at me like how dare I have the audacity to ask him, his name! Of course it's the doctor but it's not Dr Ignorance or Gameface. This guy is Dr Incredulous. Informs me about the surgery I was in for, this I obviously know, why else would I have agreed to it? He doesn't really tell me what they found or if they repaired anything. Just that they removed the bump. I'm to be assessed by the physio and sent home once they are satisfied. Excellent.

It wasn't long after that I was given a nice pair of crutches to become my extra limbs for a good few weeks.

I have to say being back home is a godsend. I missed my sprung memory foam mattress. And Sleep. Couldn't sleep straight away though. I had both sets of parents arriving at different times to see me. Ingo (my partner) has been wonderful since I got home. Taking very good care of me. He even brought the bed downstairs, a necessary luxury for recuperation don't you think? Our house bunny seemed to think so...

Captain Kismet

I'm on to day 7 now and I haven't been in any pain apart from a slight strain in my lower back, but we all knew that wouldn't magically go away. Only time will tell if this has been a success. I haven't received an appointment for this intensive physio I was supposed to have nor any kind of check up since I was discharged from hospital. Cut and shut jobby?

Now this is all done with I can concentrate on my articles, stories and reviews I wish to share with you.

Take care.